What gave me a school joke. Jokes about schoolchildren and teachers. Jokes cool about school

I went with a girl in a garden in one group, to school in one class, to the institute in one group ... I look at classmates - she is 27 years old, and I am 38 ...

It is easy to identify the monthly cycle of each teacher to estimates in the school journal.

If you go to school in a sports form and with a whistle on the neck, you can easily get strong tenth-graders so that they have transported you furniture.

Remember 3 Rules:
1. Do not retreat.
2. Do not give up.
3. Not with verbs are written separately.

The longest sleep is registered in the lesson of history, the student fell asleep in the 15th century, and woke up at 18.

21:00 - It is at this time that children are confessed to parents that tomorrow you need to bring a craft to school, a report with photos and pies to tea drinking.

Leaving the lesson, the boy Fedya slammed the door so much that Vasya, who was sitting on the windowsill, left the lesson.

The record of the teacher in the school diary Daria Dontsova: "According to Biology, a report prepared. I read the third week. I hope the killer is not zebra ... "

From a conversation with a girl.
- Where are you going to do?
- To the Institute of the Economy of the Layout of the Zhim!
- Sorry, maybe the economy and management?
- (after a short and uncertain thought): No, at the Institute of the Institute of the Zhim!

At the end of the year, the father's belt with a buckle was again recognized again recognized!

Boy with the surname of the city of Gaigramakihshkaryan very rarely goes to the board ...

- Well, again to school, yes? Ahhahahaha! - Two hamburgers and middle cola please.

According to statistics, every third cat dreams after death becoming a skeleton in the Biology Cabinet.

Many military and political experts are already disappearing from the Internet. They are going to school.

This year, in the Chechen Republic, 1500 graduates will finish school with tops, 2000 - with fourths, and one - with her husband-head of the ROVD.

- Where is the cow my favorite?
- You're what, Mikhailo! 20 years have passed.
- So I ask, where is my cow?
- Yes, you, Mikhailo! Cows are 8 years old.
- And where is the cow?
- What science are you in what science? In zoology il in mechanics?
- In the mechanics.
- Your cow broke.

- Little Johnny, why did you come to school with a cat? "Because I heard Pope told mom:" I'll eat this pussy when the children go to school. "

- Hello! You got through to the draft board. If you want to serve in the army, click "Star", if not - "grid" ...

When I was small, my father sailed off the boat away from the coast and threw me overboard. I went to the shore and wrote a statement to the police on my father. So I learned to write.

Pages: 2.

Father after school graduation:
- Well, son, you are already an adult man and I allow you to smoke!
- Thank you, dad, but for two years, as I threw.

They say that you have installed the most modern equipment at school?
- Yes, only there is one problem ...
- What?
- Very uncomfortable to wash chalk with liquid crystal monitors

In junior school classes, boys beat beautiful girls briefcases on the head, and then surprise, why beautiful girls fools

Children, get pictures and paper.
Today we will try to draw a horse, and Ksyusha Sobchak will try not to move!

In the lesson of the Russian language in the Georgian school.
Teacher:
- Gogi, tell me how will it be in Russian the male sheep?
Gogi:
- Baran, teacher!
Teacher:
- You yourself are a ram. Male Sheep is Aries, and the ram is a ram.

Mom, we wrote at school today!
- What did you write?
- I do not know. We still have not learned to read!



- just one?

Well, son, show the diary. What are you brought today from school?
- Yes, there is nothing to show, there is only one twice.
- just one?
- Do not worry, dad, I'll bring it tomorrow!

Director of the School - Keeping:
- Maybe we have a smoking smoking school? Anyway, the children smoke.
- What for? Let them smoke in a glass!

Son says Mother:
- I will not go to school anymore.
- Why?
- Yes, her, this school. Again the cornflowers will beat the textbook on the head, Covalenko will begin to aim from the slingshot,
and Smirnov will put the footrest. Will not go.
No, son, you have to go to school, "says Mother.
- First, you are already an adult, forty years turned out, and secondly, you are the director of the school.

Mom, everything in school grows up with a chinese!
- Well, call me their names!
- If you give me 5 dollars, I'll call you all!

Two schoolchildren talk:
- Just we wrote a control by anatomy. Vanka received a two.
- For what?
- for the crib. The teacher caught him when he considered the ribs.

Pinocchio enters the teacher with a stall in his hands:
- Called parents to school?

School. Labor lesson.
Teacher:
- Major Safety Rule: Do not cook your fingers into the outlet!
Pupil:
- So they do not vague there.
- And you take the carnations, idiot!

The teacher checked school essays. One of them was written:
"Life experience comes with reptiles."
She had already taken a handle with red ink to correct the mistake, but suddenly thought about his own and ... I decided to leave everything as it was.

Please, double whiskey.
- Girl! This is a school dining room!
- Oh, sorry, I wondered. Compote, please.

And I'm in school won with that girl at one desk sat, then we got married, she gave birth to two beautiful kids.
- And then what happened?
- Later? And then we were dissolved on arrogant, and she went to another.

Father looks son's diary.
- Well, what is your estimate for your estimates, one troika, not a single five and the fourth!
- Dad, so it's an average school!

Mom, I'm talking to school in school that I scattered, tell me, is it wrong?
"Boy, you live in a house opposite."

The student rushes after the lesson on the corridor and almost stifles the director of the school.
He indignantly grabs him by the shoulder and says:
- Now come back and pass calmly! And say hello to me as your father greets with friends!
The student is moving away a few steps, the driver - his hands in his pockets - comes to the director,
slap him on the back so that the little glasses did not jump, and yells in all the throat:
- Hu, great, old man! I did not see you a hundred years!

Mom, it seems to me that tomorrow I will look like a white rorone!
- Yes, yes, daughter, you will be karky.

Physics lesson at school. The teacher asks:
- What is horsepower?
- This is the power that the horse develops in one meter and weighing one kilogram!
- Interesting! And where did you see such a horse?
- And you just won't see her. It is stored in Paris, in the ward of measures and weights.

The teacher caught Andrew for smoking and says:
- Well, let's go to your parents! Led to father.
- Your son smoked at the School "Belomor". Father indignant:
- Andrei, well, why do you need this "whiteor" - won "opal" on the refrigerator lies.

September 1. Everyone is sitting outside of two people, only if I have no neighbor.
Inna W Valerevna's new student and presents it:
- Meet the guys, this is our new student. Her name is Lena, she will now learn with us.
Planted her to Kola. Kolya tells her:
"Flax, come to visit me in the evening, my parents leave today to give, grandmother in the hospital, brother in the army.
Bought Kohl Cake, Flowers, well, you need to please a new girlfriend.
He came home, made lessons, removed in the apartment, then covered the table, put the cake and cups for tea.
Opens the door-appears Lena in school uniform.

When a little Dracula did not return home from school, his mother thought so: "Probably, the count

The teacher at school says Georgian student:
- Vano, draw an equifiable triangle!
(Vano draws.)
- And now prove that this isceived triangle!
- Mom swear Raveband!

Schoolboy at the graduation party confesses to teachers:
- I want to reassure you. All these eleven years I have not prepared any control.
Remember, I was constantly lying on the desk a penalty such, all in Japanese hieroglyphs? It was a crib.
In Japanese.
- And how do you know Japanese?
"I am every night instead of doing homework, taught him." Especially to make cribs.
- Isn't it easier to teach mathematics, history, literature, chemistry?
- Yes, what? They are much more difficult!

According to the results of the test of school essays on the topic "How I still spent the summer" was revealed:
five robberies, four small terrorist attacks and the killer of John Kennedy.

Sasha guessed at school. The director for it ordered him to paint the windows on the first floor. Sasha comes and asks:
- Anton Petrovich, and paint paint too?

In school, people spend a lot of time of their childhood and youth. As a result, a huge amount accumulates funny and just ridiculous and interesting stories. Zak gathered the most real jokes about school funny to tears.

In jokes about the school, such characters can often be found as phizruk and labor, which do not leave anyone from readers with their funny deeds. Funny jokes about school help to go to people in life, having fun laughing, not forgetting that laughter will make life much more interesting, bright and diverse, and most importantly, long.

People are obliged to thank all schoolchildren in these moments who fell into stupid and funny situations for the fact that, thanks to the schoolchildren, we had a huge number of indescribably funny jokes, which we read, remember with a smile about that school time. Those who have not yet finished school life will find many similar situations in which they or their friends fell.

1. Two boys talk to the school: - I did yesterday lessons with my mother ... Damn, she would torture in the war ...

2. Teacher of the Russian language in the 10th grade after the holidays: - And you know, Olenka, in the composition "How I spent the summer" posture to draw at all to anything ...

3. Two buddies at school are talking on a change in a buffet:
- lucky you, you mummy gives so much money for lunch ... But my calling calls, I will know how much lunch is worth it, you will not spend it!
- Yes, mine also calls, just she asked me the phone of the cavetles, I gave her phone restaurant.

4. The teacher warns students:
- You can never kiss animals. It threatens various diseases. Who can give an example?
"I," Vovochka got up, "That's my aunt kissed her parrot all the time." - Well, and? .. - Parrot went crazy.

5. Lessons are made ... Mother hoarse ... Son of the fire ... Neighbors learned everything by heart, the dog retraced !!! ..

6. The teacher checked the writings and cried: now she knew how to spend the summer, but years are no longer the years.

Jokes about school funny to tears:

7. Teacher:
- Wow, who is Chapaev?
- This is a ne-tentor!
- What other Negs?
"Hu, you themselves said that he fought the White trot.
- Chapaev - the picerfolder of the Capacher!
-What, there and the Indians were involved?

8. Writing in the diary: "Your son is the only one who took the campaign vodka! ... Thank you for my son! "

9. Labor teachers would never have buried that he was drinking at work, if one day he did not come sober.

10. The student surpassed his teacher: Nine-grader Petrov came to work not only drunk, but also with babes.

11. At school:
- Today we will have a control.
- Can I use the calculator?
- Yes, you can.
- And the transportation?
- The transport is also possible. So, write down the topic of control: "History of Russia, the XVII century."

12. The new teacher enters the class and says:
- Hello children! Silence.
- Hello children! Silence. The teacher is tired of the fact that children are silent, and she went to the director. Director:
- Hi, shoelaces!
- Hello, shoe! Director, showing the teacher:
- And this is our new sole!

13. Schoolgirl girl complains mom:
- Well, how can I get rid of this sense?
- What a daughter, he is so tired so? Won, a portfolio from school every day wears.
- Yes, it was tired: I already have these portfolios of two hundred stored!

14. "So, boys, who of you smokes? Fair! Dont lie! You, you and you. Clear. So. We will smoke, the rest - five circles in the stadium. "

15. At school.
- Children, get pictures and paper. Today we will try to draw a horse, and Natasha Petrov will try not to move!

16. HA Society of Zoology The teacher caresses the PPO of Staus:
Stauses carry eggs;
Run fast horses;
In case of danger, you dig up your head in the sand;
-Sido, what are you doing there?
- You are carefully listening to my mother Ivanovna!
- Hau then repeating that I have passed.
- Stauses bury in the sand along the eggs ...
... And if on these eggs to come on the horse, you will reach the horse.

The greatest time of any person is time to study at school. This is acquainted with new people, and the study of the surrounding world, and preparation for the future adult life. Therefore, no wonder the emergence of various jokes about school, disciples and teachers.

School - Second House

Funny appear noble. Indeed, every class has its own "Little John", its "Zhyhtrest" and "Botany". Disubbornly on others makes them an object for ridicule from other children. A teacher similar to a scientist, glasses and a folder under the arm, also becomes an object for jokes. Consider more, what are the funniest jokes about school.

Drawing children

In each class, there will definitely be the one who loves to swallow over his classmates or teachers. There are even such films where very funny jokes about school are described. The draws are in the lining of the buttons on the teacher's chair or another student, in the smear of the boards with soap, in the presentation of some classmate bottles with gashed water, having shook it in advance and so on. In the first case, for someone it will be very funny, and for someone is not very. In the second case, the teacher will not be able to write something on the board, in the third - someone will cover a large carbonated wave directly on the face. Such a joke is very popular when the students say to the teacher that he has White's whole back. The teacher who knows how to take such a humor, of course, hesitates himself. Well, if he is not a lover of similar draws, then schoolchildren can get.

Short funny jokes about school

Jokes can be both long and short. For example, one brief expression can greatly laugh listeners (readers). Here is some of them:

1. The rubber ball was still flying in the window of the Director of the Cabinet, including the children were already hidden.
2. The school school year is like pregnancy: nine months lasting, and toxicosis begins with the second week.
3. Studying at school is a sentence for the eleven-year-old regime without the right to prematurely access to freedom. Warders are the director and teacher.
4. The student comes from school and joyfully shouts the mother: "Mom! Today you are lucky - we were asked only reading. "
5. The teacher said to parents so that they triggered the Son bangs, otherwise she does not know him in the face.
6. School Assembly - the entrance is free, but the output is allowed only for a certain amount.
7. Homework done. The mother of hoarse, the son is roaring, and the neighbors learned the multiplication table.
8. Due to the lack of books on the anatomy, the Minister of Education approved a hole in the wall of the bath as an item for studying it.

Little Johnny - the most important hero of jokes about school

Anyone knows who is like that. This is a typical schoolboy who does not perform lessons that do not listen to adults, bully, lazy and dwarf. Along with this, his witty answers to the teacher's questions are always ready. Such a character in funny jokes about school for children really needed. Thanks to him, children begin to understand how to be not necessary. That is, such jokes about school are instructive.

1. The teacher asks Lovoch, why he was late. The answer shocked. The boy said that he was attacked, and the notebooks with homework were stolen.
2. On the question of what five years their life, Vovochka considers the most happy, a response was received: studies in the first grade.
3. Got Vovka Two. Father went to understand why. The teacher says that the boy himself did not, but he wrote off from a neighbor on the desk. Indeed, they checked both notebooks. The first question was both answered correctly, on the second - both wrong. Father is indignant that it is quite possible. The teacher showed the third question to which the girl replied that he did not know. And Vovochka wrote: "I, too,".

Jokes raise mood

In everyday life too many fussy days, various problems. Therefore, it is not surprising that people stretch to jokes, humorous programs. Themes are different. But it is just jokes about school, short or long, perceived with warmth and nostalgia to school life. Each adult memories of school days their own.

In addition to ordinary jokes, there are jokes about school in the form of scenes. They will raise the mood, allow you to relax and soul, and the body. Consider some of them:

1. One schoolboy tells another that he does not believe that the earth is round. Explains it simply: otherwise the sea completely spacing.
2. At the lesson of the surrounding world, the teacher asks to explain why the snow goes in winter, and in the summer - no. One of the students says: "If the snow walked in the summer, he would have melted."
3. The Russian language teacher asks children: I work, you work, it works - what time is it? "Heavy" - answers one of the guys.
4. Second-grader comes home. Mother takes his diary to check. There she detects "Two". She is crossed out and fixed on the Quartet. Mother begins to scold a schoolboy. And he calmly answers: "We have said the teacher that we can correct a bad assessment for good if you wish."
5. The American delegation came to Russian school to share experiences. One of them asks: "Do children use computers in school?" "Of course," the teacher answers. All go to the office. There are six computers on the windowsill. The teacher gives the task of Petrov: "Petrov, take two computers and remove them on the table. How many computers are left now on the windowsill? "

Exams - a special topic

Exams are the time when the fate of students is being solved. Therefore, no wonder the appearance of jokes also about this period. Especially a lot of interesting statements about the Unified State Next selection of it:

1. One student who came out with the exam, asks another: "Can you answer all the questions?" He answers no. "And what do you hope then?" The second answered: "On chronic flatfoot or bad vision."
2. Some of the surrender suggested that the exam should be such items, as in the program "Become a millionaire": Help hall, a call to a friend or 50 to 50. In extreme cases the ability to pick up the certificate.
3. About those who have no education, now we can say that he is a "victim of the exam."
4. After a good surrender, some need to give "Atistat about the adversis abrasion."
5. The children used to scare in Baba, now from the very first class they frighten the EEM.
6. Each student in the depths of the soul dreams of the one who invented the exam, he was killed.
7. Baba Ege - a terrible character.
8. To find out how lucky you are, you need to give answers to the exam.
9. I wonder what will be the minister of health to be treated in a village hospital? Can the Minister of Education be able to pass his exam?
10. A monkey escaped from one circus and accidentally got into the office, where they passed the exam. When choosing at random answers, she came to study at Moscow State University.

There is still such a sign when the student passing the exam is necessary to strongly. Supposedly will help to pass it. Joke on this topic: I passed one schoolboy for a twice, came home with claims to parents that they were not very material. They immediately corrected and scored him very much.

Inscriptions in the diary

In addition to the anecdotes about Ving, about exams, and so on, the jokes about school include various inscriptions in the diaries of students. Some of them are very funny and absurd. Below we give several options:

1. "Throughout the day throws in classmates dead cockroaches."
2. "No diary" (the absurdity was that it was written in the diary itself).
3. At the lesson of geography, apparently, the child could not remember his address, the teacher was made inscription: "I forgot where he lives."
4. "Crites the furniture in the English language office" (the critic is growing).
5. Schoolboy, apparently, saw the thrillers or militants. In his diary there is an inscription: "I urged classmates to go down to the bunker."
6. "Included through the window." The student itself wrote down on this inscription: "It turns out through the wall." (Apparently, the movie "Chronicles of Narnia").
7. Girls are not better: "He behaved like a dog, and bone bone."
8. "Built eyes to classmates."
9. "Published on the whole class."
10. "I went to the toilet, drunk returned." (Someone at school instead of the toilet - cafe).
11. "Brought a homeless to a lesson." (Compassionate student).

Such examples can be given an infinite set. It is strange that it's all - the truth, and sometimes the teachers themselves become the object of ridicule. Take, for example, physical education teachers or labor.

"Loborovik" and "Physical Education"

1. On September 1, all teachers receive a bouquet of flowers, and the employer is "a bouquet of Moldova".
2. Physical worker commander: "Inhale, exhale! Fu, Anton, again not breathe that hole! ".
3. Physical worker: "Who smokes?" Sees three raised hands. "So, we will smoke, and the remaining five circles in the stadium!".

Afterword

Of course, funny jokes about school (short or long) a lot. The reason is that school time is the most wonderful and cheerful time at all without exception. In each class there are funny stories. They are similar to each other and at the same time differ from each other.

School life always will be invented. After all, it brings together students, teachers. Without funny stories, the school itself would be boring and monotony.

1. Two boys are talking at school: - I did the lessons with my mother yesterday ... damn, she would be tortured in the war of Germans ...

2. As they say, learning - never late, and if late, so you can turn on the lamp.

3. Mother speaks to the teacher of his son:
- Well, how could you give my son a task in which a bottle of vodka costs 5 rubles? My husband from excitement could not close the eyes all night!

4. At the lesson of physical education:
- So, guys, who is smoking you? Fair! Dont lie! So. .. So you .. and you. .. It is clear ... So, so: we will smoke with you, the rest are five circles in the stadium.

5. - Sema, how much your mother should pay for 2 kilograms of apples, if 1 kg costs 2 rubles?
- I can not say Mr. Teacher, my mother is always trading.

6. Writing in the diary: "Your son is the only one who took a hike vodka! ... Thank you for my son! "

7. Labor teachers would never have burned that he was drinking at work, if one day he did not come sober.

8. At the Teacher's Assembly, the teacher appeals to the mother of Vovochka:
- Your son painted on a fly fly! I beat off my own hand!
Mum:
- That's what! He drew a crocodile in the bath, so I flew from the frightened through the painted door!
And he drew a beer barrel on the fence. And the father with friends half a day in the queue stood.

9. The husband returned home evil and tired and says:
- That's all you're guilty! You send me to the parent meeting and do not speak what school our son is learning.

Jokes cool about school

10. Son comes home with a twos.
- Dad, just do not worry!
- Good, just do not be offended!

11. The boy who studied badly finished school with a red boo.

12. Inspection checks the rural school. Suitable for the director:
- Why did your students instead of "come" and "gone" say "come", "Ushushi"?
- And they are so accustomed to us.

13. Do you have a higher education? Or even two? Make a homework with a 4th grade schoolboy on modern textbooks - feel an idiot!

14. School principal catches a smoking guy in the toilet:
- Which class? Guy, releasing smoke rings:
- Bourgeoisie!

15. Little Johnny, who would you like to be?
- Lv or Tigrome!
- What for?
- So that everyone fear me.
- Even a teacher?
- Well no! Our teacher does not scare anything.

16. Teacher: - Children, how much will you multiply five?
Children choir: - Seventy!
- Well, you, children! Five Yu five will be 25 ... well, 26, well, 27, well, in extreme cases 28, but not 70!

17. New cigarettes specifically for schoolchildren! "Parent Sourni", now with a belt taste.

18. - Children, draw a square with a side of ten centimeters!
- Maryvanna, what is this square such - with one side?!

19. The teacher checked the writings and cried: now she knew how to spend the summer, but years are no longer the years.