Swam with the flow of my life. How to plan your life so as not to go with the flow? “Contrary to fate” or “swim against the tide” is the most difficult way to move through life
- What do you think - "To live according to the will of God" and - "to go with the flow", are they one and the same, or is there still a difference? - I was asked recently.
To be honest, I was even confused by such a formulation of the question. Although, his logic is generally clear: God brought me into this life, and, of course, has a plan for me. It would be strange to think that in His plans for me there was only one point - to give me being, well, then, man, come into the world and spin there as you know. No, of course, God's plan is for each of us. But there is also our freedom. We will not be able to see the will of God in our life - we will begin to live across this good intention, with the corresponding sad consequences. We will be able to - we will live with God, and this life will be meaningful and happy for us. It would seem that everything is simple.
But! Indeed, how will such a "hit" in the Divine plan be different from swimming with the flow? Everything about you has already been conceived and decided in advance, your business is just not to resist the Divine will. Swim yourself through life like a log, swing on a slow wave, wait until it takes you out into the blue sea of eternity.
The picture is kind of dull. Not more like Christianity, but rather the fatalism of the Stoics, who believed that fate leads those who wish, and drags the unwilling.
But then I remembered the story of our famous traveler - Fyodor Konyukhov's father. In this race, the priest had a rival - a French athlete, a very strong young guy. It was not easy to compete with him. But Father Fyodor was much more experienced and knew something about which the rival did not know.
The fact is that the ocean has currents similar to rivers. You can't see them, they look like there is the same ocean as around. But in reality, the water in this place is constantly moving in one direction with great speed. And all the currents on this route were known to Fedor Konyukhov. At the start, the Frenchman immediately rushed forward, and the priest slowly began to look for such an "underwater river". And when she found it, she carried him forward. Father Fyodor said: “Soon I caught up with my opponent. That young, strong - rowing so that only oars flicker. And I walk past and just scoop up a little, so as not to lose the current. He was probably surprised: how does a Russian racer's boat float on its own? And the secret is simple: he was on this route for the first time, and I have already sailed here fifteen times before. This is how experience conquered power. "
This story prompted the answer to the question that at first puzzled me. Yes, we can say that living according to the will of God is the same as going with the flow. But the current in this case should be considered not river, but ocean. There, after all, it is not one, as in the river. There are many of them in the ocean. And to swim across the ocean on a sailing or rowing ship can only be well versed in them. I found the one that carries you in the right direction - consider that half the job is done, all that remains is to make sure that you do not "fall out" of it, so as not to fall into stagnant water, or into a stream that can carry you in a completely different direction.
I think that for each of us the Lord has determined such a course in our life. Well, the commandments of the Gospel are the guiding signs that mark him among the endless waters of life. The Monk Mark the Ascetic said: “The commandments do not eradicate sin: this is the work of the one Cross of the Lord. They only keep the limits of the freedom given to us ”. Living according to the commandments, we remain in the good flow of God's plan for us. But such a life requires certain efforts from a person. Therefore, following the will of God in Christianity does not at all mean some kind of passive stay. Our job is to choose this current among many others, to enter it, and carefully monitor so as not to be outside of it. The Lord will do the rest.
Usually, when they say “goes with the flow,” they mean that a person is inert, lacking initiative, content with what life presents to him, without trying to get more (or something else). But I see the flow of water in the river as a beautiful and rich in semantic delights metaphor of the flow human life... Today I want to talk about such an approach to life as meaningful movement with the flow, having considered alternative, less adequate options.
Can't trample against the tide
Of course, you can try, and each of us has tried to surpass the strength of a powerful current with the help of four limbs, but, having convinced of the futility of such attempts, we, as a rule, grow up and begin to look for less labor-intensive and more effective ways to achieve what we want. Swimming against the tide means in each situation choosing the most difficult path, the most dangerous course of action, the longest and most exhausting method of moving towards the goal instead of solving the problem in an easy way, and spending the free time on the joys of life and other goals.
According to my observations, several categories of people prefer to swim against the tide: those who are especially principled (and in this context, the line between being principled and asinine stubbornness is very thin), those who love difficulties and find in them the best motivation for themselves (as well as those who otherwise simply boring to live), and, finally, lovers of the role of a victim, a sufferer, for whom it is not so important to overcome difficulties as to be able to feel sorry for themselves when they arise.
Minuses This approach is obvious: a colossal disproportion in the ratio of effort / result, slowness of movement, the feeling that the whole world is against you. The only one a plus, which I see - motivation - for some people to overcome several challenges to their strengths and abilities even before breakfast is a necessary component of existence and progress, but there are not many such people.
How can you get into the ocean if you are swimming against the current? Why punch through the wall with your head if there is a window, window or door fifty centimeters to the left?
Inertia
The passive approach to moving along the mainstream of your life was mentioned at the beginning of the article. As illustrations come to mind humility, submission to fate, preached by religious concessions; indifference to one's own life (that is, lack of motivation for any action); disappointment in life caused by the global discrepancy between the desired and the actual. Relying on fate that will carry you into the ocean, provided that you don’t lift a finger - utopia, the universe has a great sense of humor, and your river can easily turn into a swamp, from where there are only two ways - either down, that is, disappear, or to get out with effort, and then gallop to land or the next river over bumps (which is incomparably harder than just sailing, controlling your boat).
Fate, destiny are realized under the condition of vigorous activity on the part of the person himself. If he firmly settled in a bay of inactivity, and even worse, he just spat and went ashore, dropped his hands (often when there were only a couple of miles left to reach the big, rich and happy waters) and, say, he started drinking, or just scored on his life, on any movement, a person turns sour like water in a swamp, gets sucked in by mud and generally forgets where and why he swam.
Attractiveness inert movement consists in relieving oneself of responsibility for one's own life - wherever I find myself, whether at the bottom or at the top, the hand of fate will carry me there, but for now I can not move and wait for a blessing from above. I have already described enough cons, I have no questions on this point.
Panic promiscuity (or geographic cretinism)
Another, already the third, extreme: indiscriminate grasping of everything that falls into the field of vision of a person. An opportunity arises before him, and he immediately grabs, without bothering to think, whether he needs it at all, whether he will gain or lose there. In our metaphor, this means turning at every turn that a person sees, trying to swim in all directions at the same time, swimming in every branch of the river.
Minuses: firstly, rash route changes can easily lead you into a puddle, where you may settle down, tempering your ardent enthusiasm. Secondly, every time to turn off, and then return back to the main channel (when you realize that you didn't need to come here at all) is a waste of time and effort. Pros: you do not need to decide anything, you can poke at random into all the window-vents, knock on every door in the hope that there will be something good behind it. Again, you can swim to the same place as everyone else - perhaps there will be found your personal happiness and your unique ocean.
The reasons for choosing this strategy: fear of missing something important, inability to hear oneself and make choices, to make informed decisions.
Active contemplation
Finally, we get to the fourth option for moving with the flow of life, which I like to call fluidity or active contemplation. What is it?
You calmly swim straight until the turn you want appears (and, since you are in the bed of your river, you know that it will appear). You do not try to dig it yourself, without the tools for this, do not spend days and nights in ethereal fantasies about this wonderful opportunity, you live, do business, you are in a state of readiness. You are not just swimming, zombified by the flow of the river or in circles on the water; your eyes, mind and heart are open - so you do not miss a turn in the direction you need. You are ready to act and, seeing your opportunity, use it - turn in the desired direction, make every effort for this. If you have completed all 3 points, but not have come to the desired result, you do not float the rest of your life in regrets, but melt your shoulders and prepare for the next opportunity, continuing to move.
Actually, let's discuss. :-) Your opinions, comments, answers and advice are welcome.
“You didn’t help yourself, and God didn’t help you. All that remains is hatred of the authorities - the sacred duty of any artist. "
No matter how sad it may be, most people adhere to this very credo: to go with the flow, grow like grass, and blame others for the fact that there has been no promotion for 4 years. This is the lot of the weak and those people who are weak-willed. Of course, you can be a philosopher and say that only by swimming with the flow you can get into the ocean, but you cannot buy buckwheat for these deep thoughts. Therefore, if you want to figure out what it is, is there any good from it and how to deal with it, then you need to know some things.
Not aware of the problem
Simple elementary ignorance. After all, as you know, in order to solve a problem, you must first learn about it and identify its causes. Some people simply do not need this - they have already developed a way of life that is familiar to them. and do not want to change anything. There is a job, a girlfriend or a wife - too, on Sundays you can go to the mall, on Friday drunkenness - everything is fine. In a couple of years, society, with its pressure and habitual foundations, will force to give birth to a child who will go to school, university, then to work, find a girlfriend, drink on Friday, and go to a shopping center on Sundays.
Of course, there is often nothing wrong with stability. When you pay the bills and have something to buy pasta, it's not a shame. It is shameful not to admit to yourself that you dreamed of not such a life. It is good if this alignment of affairs is not only taken for granted or as the only possible, but also does not cause discomfort. But what if this weak-willed existence is a burden, the attitude towards oneself worsens every day, and self-esteem goes down to the level of the core of the earth? Is it possible to change the situation, stop and start sailing in a different direction, without fear of criticism and misunderstanding? Yes, since Monday. Of course you can. And in order to achieve certain goals, it will not be enough to read articles on self-development once a day - you will have to work hard.
Don't know what to do
Psychologists recommend sitting down, grabbing a notebook and writing about your problems and desires. But seriously, does everyone sit down and write? There are such, of course, and no one here says that this should not be done. But instead of this scribbling, you can go and sign up for English courses or what your heart is about, which you have long wanted, but there was no right moment. Only there is no right moment - you have to create it yourself. Honestly admit to yourself: none of your activities or hobbies take too much time, and they can be sacrificed in favor of something new and useful.
You can change the situation with the revision of your life. You will be surprised, but after all this it will become more meaningful. It is clear that when you come home from work at 9 pm, when you are all sweaty and tired, there is no time for self-development and there is no rebellious mood to take everything and turn it over. But you need to start small, in small steps. I chose a day and found out if there are sign language interpreter courses nearby that you dreamed of; in another, I went and clarified the details. And there it is already not far from classes! The main thing is to start.
No purpose in life
How do you know the way if you don't know where to go? This is the case with life: no one can build the desired route, add intermediate goals, if he does not know what he wants at all. And this is the most important thing. You can get up at 6 in the morning and run around the stadium as much as you want - from this you will be a little healthier than before (and this is not bad). And already with this health, you will continue to go with the flow.
Of course, in an era when sneakers for 100 thousand rubles cause more delight than a diploma higher education, it's hard to talk about some things. But just remember what you dreamed about in childhood or adolescence. Going to a job you hate that has nothing to do with your oil degree? To borrow a TV set for one hundred thousand to come home and not even find the strength to watch it? Gathering with dubious friends on Fridays in a pub and under light unfiltered and under crackers with fish to watch 22 millionaires chase a ball across the field? Did you imagine such a cool future when, at the age of 14, you looked in the mirror and saw a boy there, who will succeed?
You need to understand yourself. It's foolish to hope that the world around you will change if you can't even start with yourself.
They are weak
Everything here is as simple as possible: if a person is weak in spirit, then no advice or instruction will help. He's so used to it, he doesn't want to change anything. But even in this you can find Such people are also needed: someone has to sweep the yards, guard your garage and give advice on what is the best washing machine to choose, while being a person who has already turned 30 years old. And that's not a bad thing. It's just a little sad.
Are you mired in everyday problems and do not see the point in what you are doing? Nothing depends on you, are you like a splinter floating into nowhere? Are you tired and bored of everything? Alas, no one is immune from such thoughts, nevertheless, it is quite possible to learn how to manage them. How exactly, tell our friends from "Universarium".
The human brain has the unique ability to create patterns of behavior that allow us to act automatically, without the involvement of the mind. This is a very useful property - it gives us the opportunity not to waste our strength and energy on a routine. On "autopilot" we brush our teeth, drink morning coffee, wash dishes, ride the subway and drive a car along a route well known to us. And all would be fine, but only the problems begin a little later - when our whole life becomes such an unconscious movement. Movement "on autopilot".
“On autopilot” we cannot set ourselves truly important and complex goals, since we are driven by subconscious attitudes and external factors. That is why the first step in the art of managing your own life is to develop the ability to track and turn off the "autopilot" when we don't need it. How to achieve this is explained below.
1. Control your attention
2. Keep your senses in check
All the feelings that we experience can be divided into two groups - those that help us and those that hinder us. And if you are determined to stop living by inertia, obeying only external stimuli, you need to sort out your own emotions - learn to control negative feelings and consciously create positive ones. First, try to trace the sources of your emotions. It is not as easy as it seems at first glance. The fact is that the most important component of "autopilot" is irrational beliefs. Such beliefs most often come from childhood - they can be borrowed from parents, teachers and educators, or be taken from other sources that participated in the formation of our personality.
Here is an example of an irrational belief: "people close to me should always support me." It sounds kind of right and natural. But in fact, close people cannot always support you - they have their own problems and their own difficulties (and also a bad mood, which no one canceled either). As a result, irrational beliefs become the source of a whole gamut negative emotions... Under their influence, we can abandon people and opportunities that are important to us.
Working with emotions is precisely about analyzing them and determining whether they are related to reality or are the result of irrational beliefs. By learning to find the true causes of your fears and doubts, you can overcome them and take action.
As for positive emotions, we need them like air, because happiness and pleasure are the fuel on which our brain works. At the same time, filling your life with joyful experiences is quite simple - just make a list of what gives you pleasure, and what is available to you here and now, and every day do one item from this list. And don't forget the little things: even the simplest things, like a cup of coffee or watching, can make a rainy day better.
3. Determine what is really valuable and important to you.
There are quite a few ways to control yourself and your perception, one of these ways is ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or therapy of acceptance and responsibility). With this technique, you can take small but effective steps to normalize the situation in which you find yourself, without postponing anything until tomorrow and without setting yourself too global - and therefore unattainable - goals.
This is a polygon made up of several anchor points. The upper point is the state of "here and now". It means connection with the present moment, awareness of oneself and the surrounding reality. The bottom point is called "I am the observer": this is our ability to be aware of what is happening, without feelings and assessments. It is from this point that we begin to move towards real change.
Step # 1: we focus on the “I am the observer” position and realize that our own life does not bring us satisfaction and we want to change it.
Step # 2: we accept the current state of affairs without any evaluations or judgments. If you get the feeling that everything is bad and you can't fix anything, realize that “bad” is a value judgment, and return to the state of acceptance. Acceptance is a calm and even state of "it is."
Step # 3: we separate what is happening from our ideas about it - from fears and negative attitudes. We sort of "cleanse" the events of our life from the accompanying emotions.
Step # 4: now we begin to perform actions that bring us closer to our values, namely, to what we really want.
Even if you do not have a clear understanding in which direction you want to move, in any case you have values - what you like and what you want. And be guided by them.
For someone, values are a quiet pastime in the circle of loved ones, contemplation of nature, the opportunity to be creative, for someone - constant communication with new people, overcoming obstacles and eternal passion. It's important to understand what matters to you. But be prepared for the fact that your values may not align with generally accepted goals. Perhaps you realize that you want to travel the world with your camera at the ready, and not painfully climb the career ladder. Nevertheless, taking even the smallest step towards what is truly valuable, you will feel an influx of strength and
Each of us is well aware of the expression "go with the flow" and the negative meaning that is put into it. A person who goes with the flow does not know why he lives, what he wants, and even more so he does not know how to change everything in order to find more meaning and get more pleasure. He just does what his boss, family and tax authorities ask him to do. There are many ways to stop going with the flow, but it is much more important than using isolated methods and tricks to apply the whole system - the system of conscious living.
Where to begin?
Oddly enough, it is better to start not with planning, but with summing up the results. Try to describe how you live - how much and what work time you devote, how you dine, how you relax, what you read and see, with whom you communicate. If you write everything down correctly, you will be able, as it were, to see your own life from the outside.
After describing your life, think about what you like and what not about it, what looks like a waste of time, and what important time is not enough. Consider how you can change the situation. For example, you really do not have enough time for. However, with the help of the recordings, you found out that you spend at least an hour and a half on TV and social networks every day. So much for your time reserve. Certainly, foreign language- this is not exactly what I would like to do after a hard day at work. But there are other options - for example, get up half an hour earlier in the morning or spend half of your lunch time reading and memorizing. If you commute to work by public transport, flashcards or a small notebook with new words will come in handy. Is it pointless to cram? Don't cram - come up with associations, draw parallels between foreign vocabulary and words native language, write sentences - getting into the context, words are much easier to remember. It is difficult to think of a more useful activity for moving. If you do this every day, then in a week you will be able to sum up pleasant results that you can be proud of.
Write down
Very often, bright thoughts come to our minds in a completely inappropriate environment for this. Alas, in most cases they disappear from the head so quickly that then we are trying in vain to remember what was so ingenious invented. To do this, you just need a notebook and a pen where you can write down such things.
It should be noted that such a notebook will be useful for housewives no less than for creative workers. Stop talking about which store to go to for food. Just write down the prices from one and the second, and compare at home. Or maybe, while visiting the laundry, it will occur to you great idea how to involve household members in homework. Don't rely on memory - write it down!
By the way, this same method works great with literature as well. Heard about a new film by a famous director, a recently published book by a favorite author - write down the title. When you find yourself in a book or disc department, you don't have to puzzle over what to buy. You just open a notebook and make a purchase without much hesitation.
Of course, just writing it down isn't enough. It is necessary from time to time (and it is better to start a certain day for this) to leaf through the records and think about what innovations to bring into your life, what decisions to implement. In order not to forget about the decisions made, stick reminder stickers. The “wash the dishes immediately after eating!” Record glued to the cabinet near the sink will save you a lot of time and nerves.
The main thing is attention every day
As the renowned designer and time management expert Yana Frank says, "there is never too much of the main thing." Therefore, identify for yourself a few areas of paramount importance and those that you ignore day after day, you risk falling into a blues. Some dream of mastering a new drawing technique, others, others to read an important book on self-education, and still others to put things in order in some cluttered place in the apartment. However, for a thing to really move, it needs to move. Plan activities related to these important areas for each day (until the end of the case). If you do not have the energy and time at all (for example, for physical education, a book or analysis of the "blockage" on the trellis) set the timer for 15-20 minutes. With a quarter of an hour you will not lose activity. But during this time, you can do a piece of work and, most importantly, relieve yourself of the burden of guilt for not doing something very important. How are you doing! And here's the proof!
Accounting for this activity can be done on a single leaf. At the top, write the day of the month, and on the left in the column the names of the activities. All you need is to hang a piece of paper in front of your eyes and put plus signs. Didn't go to the gym - "work out" 15 minutes of exercise at home, could not bring yourself to clean the apartment - set the timer for 15 minutes and dust off, walk around the apartment with a trash can, collecting papers and used cotton pads from surfaces.
Paying attention to important things for you every day, you will feel great self-satisfaction, because you are no longer going with the flow, but moving in the direction you need.
Work and leisure plans
When a person is tired or under the influence of stress, it is difficult for him to collect his thoughts. Unfortunately, it often happens that small things, like possible ways of rest, simply fly out of my head. Therefore, after returning from work, instead of doing something useful and interesting, a person just sits down in an armchair and turns on the TV. Simply because he did not remember about something useful and interesting, and the TV immediately caught his eye. This is where lists of work and pleasant things come in handy.
There is still an hour before the end of the working day, and you are already squeezed out like a lemon? Open the list and see what easy things you can do without straining at all. Perhaps you need to check on the Internet the opening hours of an institution or delete unnecessary files from the folder. This work will not require much effort from you, and at the same time you will be fruitful in the remaining time. And, more importantly, you will save the morning time when your head is fresh, and you can deal with more serious and important issues, and not such "small things".
Want to ? Open a list of your hobbies and other interesting activities. Someone will take a pencil and draw, and someone will open a light detective novel that they have long wanted to read. Someone will arm themselves with a fashion magazine to choose the style of a dress, and someone will get old photographs from the mezzanine in order to finally arrange an album. There are so many things to do, and because of absent-mindedness and fatigue, we forget about the important and interesting.
Don't go with the flow - call the flow with you!
