For schoolchildren

What if I envy other people? How to get rid of envy of people. Why we compare ourselves to others How to live life without being jealous

One of the most common manifestations of human emotion is envy. This feeling is firmly rooted in society, and in all spheres of activity. Envy is present in everyday life, in business relationships, for material goods. But the most important thing is that this very emotion, with its prevalence, carries only harm in itself, destroying more important and brighter feelings.

Envy as a manifestation of human essence

Often, comparing himself subconsciously, and sometimes consciously, a person comes to the conclusion that someone is smarter, more beautiful, richer. An intrusive thought does not give rest, thereby pushing into the background one's own merits and achievements. In the eyes of envious people, reality seems to be distorted, the colors of life disappear, their own significance is lost, a person eats himself from the inside. Sleep is disturbed, mood disappears, self-importance is inhibited, as a result - stress, depression, health problems.

Then how to stop being jealous so as not to harm yourself and others?

A few general rules

First of all, you need to understand that all people are unique and inimitable, but there is no absolute perfection. A clever and beautiful woman can be unhappy in her personal life, and an unprepossessing and shabby little man can have a chic car and a model-looking wife. Hence the second rule follows.
No need to waste time and effort on envy, it is better to focus on your merits, talents, knowledge and skills, aiming to drastically change your life. And if you belong to the human race, then everything will work out (see point 1).
Separate envy from healthy competition. Sitting and watching others improve their well-being, improve their bodies, and throwing evil glances in their direction is envy, and raising your fifth point and starting to act is competition.
Ask a really close person to name all your advantages, everyone has them. An outside perspective is always more objective than your own.
And finally, how to stop being jealous? People suffering from this ailment need to analyze themselves, their goals and needs, compare their capabilities with desires, and outline a plan of action.

After making sure that you understand the above general rules, you can look at the root of individual reasons for envy and understand their essence.

Material wealth

Envious of material goods, you need to think about whether the one who has them is happy? "The rich also cry" is not only the name of the well-known series. These are the realities of life. After all, how much effort and nerves did wealthy people spend before becoming such? How much do you have to spend in order not to lose everything? Do they have free time to spend it with friends and relatives? Do they have friends at all or only business partners? The answer to the question "how to stop envious of others, more wealthy and successful", suggests itself: imagine yourself in their place, and remove the tip of the iceberg and look into the abyss below it. Is there still a desire? Then, realizing the complexity of achieving financial well-being, comparing it with your abilities and strengths, gather your will into a fist, sketch out an action plan - and forward to your goal. If the person is not stupid, then envy will go away, and in its place will be a healthy passion and desire to reach the same level or higher.

Beauty and attractiveness

Appearance can be one of the reasons for envy. How to stop being jealous of your girlfriend with a beautiful figure? And who set the boundaries for beauty? “There are no comrades for taste and color,” says a wise proverb. Some people like harmony and sophistication, others prefer curvaceous forms. And then, beauty is not a reason for envy, but rather an incentive to improve oneself. After all, no one bothers to pull yourself together and at least start doing exercises. Choose a diet for yourself and stop eating, smacking, gnawing envy. The very first results will make this annoying splinter leave the mind. There would be a desire. And then, to consolidate the success, you can ask for advice from that very friend and find out how she herself achieved such results. Thus, you can maintain friendship and become more attractive.

Career

How to stop being jealous of a careerist? Just imagine what he had to sacrifice for the promotion. Sleepless nights, lack of privacy, abandoned children, restless husband. All this can be present in the life of a person making a career. Of course, this is not a reason to drop everything and hide in four walls. You need to compare all the pros and cons, decide for yourself what comes first, what is most important in life. Perhaps these are wonderful parenting qualities that will help raise a wonderful person who can be proud of all your life. This can be a kind of career - investing one's strength and skills in the future of children. And there will be no need to regret the lost time, bashfully lowering his eyes when talking about his own children.

Health

How to stop being jealous of good health? It is not a fact that a person who is envied has it really strong. Appearance is not always an indicator. And a wise man will not disclose the list of his illnesses to everyone around him at all. Better to pay attention to your own condition. Seek medical attention if necessary. Indeed, in the world there are a lot of people who are terminally ill, but at the same time they completely lack a feeling of envy, they simply do not have time to envy. They try to fill their lives with the maximum of positive emotions. Maybe you should learn from them?

Intelligence and talent

How to stop being jealous of an intelligent, talented person with high intelligence? It couldn't be easier to do your own! People are not born stupid and mediocre, they become so out of idleness and laziness. In the modern world there are so many sources of information that it is a sin not to use them. Having delved into yourself well, you can always find your own talent that just longs to be discovered and developed.

Summarizing all of the above, we conclude: envy is a swamp, pulling to the bottom, displacing the inner world of a person, his individuality, devastating and depriving his breath of life.

And yet, how to stop being jealous and live your life? Having realized personal dignity, start realizing your desires, which will take a lot of time and will not give any opportunity for envy to penetrate into life!

Few people like to feel envy, but it seems impossible to overcome it. Are there those who are somehow magically relieved of this corrosive feeling? Or did each of us grind our teeth at least from time to time, barely holding back anger towards a person who is much more successful and happier? And it is especially annoying when the object of envy is the same age as you. Here, a comparison cannot be avoided, and what happens: at 25, you are still at the job where you got a job after graduating from university, and the other one already has his own good business, a cool car and a family vacation abroad! Envy! Sound familiar? Then these tips are for you, they will help, if you do not get rid of the unpleasant feeling at all, then at least dull it.

1. You often have no idea how the people whose success you envy actually live. Think about it: perhaps all their success is only an appearance, nothing more.

2. Stop focusing on others, concentrate on your inner development. Being overly concerned about the success of others takes away the time you can spend pursuing your own goals.

3. What is success for you? Do you believe in the cliché that the majority aspires to: "Success is a lot of money, position in society, family"? Give your definition of success. What exactly do you need? And strive for it.

4. By the way, be prepared to sometimes witness an epic picture of the complete destruction of the success of someone you once envied. This happens.

5. You will not do more than what you can do. If you are true to your values in life and are completely devoted to your work, then everything in your life will be as it should be. Do you hear? The way it should be.

6. If you are suddenly overtaken by a terrible attack of self-doubt, then write each of your doubts on a piece of paper. After reading them again, throw them in the trash and out of your head! And kick that trash can to boot!

7. Work actively to learn to be grateful for what you have every morning. The happiest people are grateful for everything they have, and therefore live in strong harmony with their innate talents.

9. The universe is incredibly vast, deep and amazing, isn't it? How can you worry about a salary increase of several hundred dollars when a supernova is born somewhere at that very moment!

10. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Having reached the finish line, you will understand that all your life you have tried to overtake only yourself.

Often in the company of people, you catch yourself thinking that you deserve more than your acquaintances or friends? Every time someone brags about another achievement, are you having trouble feeling genuinely happy for the person?

You can't always think about the good and experience only positive emotions. But you need to learn how to properly relate to negative feelings. The sooner you start doing this, the sooner jealousy will stop ruining your life.

What is envy

Envy has nothing to do with others.

Friends and acquaintances would definitely not want to be the cause of your bad mood. On the contrary, they are sure that they will please their loved ones with their new achievements. So envy is an emotion that depends on us, and only we can cope with it.

Reasons for envy:

Most often, envy of others appears as a result of childhood problems and is associated with equally destructive emotions, for example, jealousy.
This feeling is usually experienced by frustrated people who do not feel needed enough.
A person becomes envious, thinking that having received some thing, he will become loved. Such people do not understand that they usually love in spite of, and not for something.

It is perfectly normal to experience this feeling periodically. The problem will be precisely the pathological constant envy of everyone.

Many people know about the existence of two types of envy: white and black. White arises when we rejoice at a person's success and do not want to achieve the same, no matter what. In this case, we are more attracted to the actions themselves, rather than their result. We admire the idol's abilities, but we do not wish him ill.

Black means that we want to get hold of what the other person has achieved, but in any way. The envious person will not care about the ways in which he will achieve the goal. He is ready to ruin someone's life, but become the owner of what he so wants to get. The most dangerous black envy becomes when we take offense at a person, wish him bad, and sometimes even translate these thoughts into reality.

Envy forms not the most pleasant character traits:

Performing acts for show. The envious person himself wants to become the object of envy.
Frequent bragging. These people, on any occasion, talk about their successes, embellishing the details.
Praising the achievements of others. An envious person usually exaggerates in his own eyes the results of others, not noticing his own merits.
Humiliation and devaluation of the object of envy in front of others. In communicating with others, such a person tries to belittle the idol, trying to become better and more successful against his background.
Fear of not meeting standards. Envious people themselves are afraid of not being good enough and not lucky enough, hence all the problems arise.

People who are jealous of someone are fairly easy to identify through direct communication. Usually they pass themselves off by behavioral features or some scraps of phrases. Tracking the line between black and white envy is also easy.

In the first case, a person clearly wants to belittle the dignity of a friend, and wants to show himself in the best light. Such envious people simply cannot develop and improve themselves, because they exaggerate what they have, not wanting to achieve more. In the second case, the envious person will only be glad of the success of his friend. The manifestation of sincere emotions will strengthen the bonds between people and serve as additional motivation for the personal growth of the envious person.

Envy is good or bad

It cannot be said unequivocally that envy is a bad feeling.

It can both destroy relationships between people, forcing them to do bad things, and become an impetus for motivation, forcing a person to become better.

Black envy

It never leads to something good.

It is black envy that is called a poisonous feeling and is considered one of the sins. Such envious people do not wish others well, they are ready to achieve the same as others, even at the cost of good relations. If you allow yourself to think about people in this way, then very soon you will lose friends, while remaining with nothing.

Gray envy

Few people know that there is also gray envy, which is something in between the two species already known to all. Experiencing it, a person often does not even realize that something is wrong. He just doesn't like being in a company with the object of envy, he doesn't really like listening to his stories of achievements.

If you feel overwhelmed with someone you know but don't understand why, you may just be jealous of him and cannot separate the successes of others from your own. This type of envy is far less problematic than the previous one, but it is also not good.

White envy

It does not poison or destroy life, rather the opposite.

People experiencing white envy sincerely admire the actions of others and dream of becoming the same masters of the matter as those around them.

But even such a harmless feeling can develop into something more dangerous. Feeling bright emotions towards the object of envy, you still compare yourself with him. If you are not motivated by the successes of your friend and do not begin to change yourself, joy can turn into anger. Then envy will turn black and will only do harm.

Stages of development of envy

Psychologists have traced two stages in the development of this feeling.

Envious people almost always exaggerate the successes and dignity of others, not noticing the flaws in them and completely distorting the object of envy. At the same time, they often feel like insignificance against the background of more successful people. A person experiencing this feeling almost does not see good qualities in himself, but considers others to be ideal.
After the envious begins to literally hate himself, a feeling of resentment and anger awakens in him. Without noticing it, a person throws out aggression on the object of envy, causing him moral or even physical harm.

A person who envies someone, at first devalues himself, projecting only dignity onto a friend, and endowing himself with bad qualities, then he is simply angry at this situation and begins to take out his hatred already on the object of envy, attributing to him a bunch of shortcomings. Such people spend all their free time and energy fighting with themselves and simply cannot live happily.

To solve a problem, you need to understand that it exists. Analyze your behavior and honestly admit that you are jealous of the other person.
Don't be in a hurry to get upset. With the help of envy, you can look inside yourself and resolve the more serious inner conflicts that led to it. Do it right now.
Concentrate not on the disadvantages, but on the merits. Write down everything you have that is a source of pride for you. Perhaps this is an understanding with the other half, or some kind of hidden talent. Contrast every thing that doesn't suit you with one that you are proud of.
Understand that you cannot become the smartest, most powerful, beautiful (the list is endless). There will always be people more successful than you. Is it worth then to waste your strength and nerves on envy?
When you realize that there will always be objects for envy in the world, you can understand that the higher your level, the more successful people you will envy. But if you do not have goals, then requests will grow chaotically and incomprehensibly. Make a life plan to know what to strive for.
Work with your worldview. Find principles that you can and want to adhere to throughout your life. Redirect your energy not to wish evil to others, but to move towards your goals. Strive for what you envy, turn your envy white, not black.
Think about whether you really want what you envy so much. Chances are, you don't need this thing at all. The reasons for the appearance of envy are much deeper. Until you deal with them, the objects of envy will change, but will not disappear.
Stop comparing yourself to others, look up only to yourself. Once you learn how to do this, jealousy will recede.
Take care of yourself, define yours. If you start to achieve success in different areas of life, filling your free time, you will have absolutely no time to follow other people and their success.
Think about whether you will feel so good if you have what your friend possesses. Perhaps, in fact, you want something completely different, and this is all the influence of stereotypes and society. If you delve into yourself well, then soon you will realize that you do not need worldwide fame and recognition, and that what will make you happy is in your life for a long time.

This toxic feeling cannot be completely dealt with, but you can make it an outgoing and incoming emotion, and not a character trait that you have to live with all the time. Determine the number of benefits that will allow you to live comfortably, but will not be superfluous. If you don't, you will feel a lack of everything, no matter how successful you are. Then envy will become your constant companion.

It is possible to reduce the manifestations of envy with the help of:

and acceptance of what you cannot change in yourself;
changes in those areas in which there is an opportunity to improve;
acquiring what you want to get for a long time;
the realization that you have had everything you need for a long time;
understanding that you do not need an object of envy.

You must realize that a person is always jealous not of a specific result, but of the feeling of happiness that his acquaintance receives when achieving his goal.

Envy can poison life, because at every step there are happier, more successful, rich, beautiful, young ... Anything can be the object of envy. Comparing himself to others, an envious person always experiences a depressing feeling of his own inferiority.

How hard life is for someone who cannot sleep, knowing that someone else lives much better than him! Envy is a certain sadness about the elementary success of acquaintances and people around you.

Indeed, someone else's success and happiness makes many people feel a sharp lack of their own. This feeling is literally depressing, sometimes it just gnaws non-stop, torments and makes you feel like a deeply unhappy person.

As soon as it occurs to a person to compare himself, his achievements and successes with others, envy immediately appears, which actually turns his life upside down: sleep disappears, good mood disappears somewhere for a long time, and as a result the person is immersed in the deepest stress.

If envy is a constant companion in the life of some people, then they sometimes do not remember their merits and achievements, because their thoughts are occupied with serious reflections on the success and success of others.

In addition, envious people do not look at life with a clear look, and their eyes seem to be covered with a veil, so they do not notice reality, and this leads to the fact that it seems to them that in comparison with other people, they are generally complete losers!

1. Learn to control your own thoughts

This is really important, because at the first signs that envy begins to penetrate into your soul, you need to try to figure out where the roots of this feeling grow from.

Try to understand what you really want. If the object of your envy is some material thing or some kind of character trait, or something else, then try to switch your thoughts to how you can independently get it or achieve something.

Perhaps you need to develop some of your own qualities in order to seriously increase your productivity. If the feeling is overly destructive for you, so much so that you almost wish that the other person even lost something, find the strength to stop your flow of thought and ask yourself a direct question: “Why think about it, why worry about it again and experience negative emotions, thereby depriving your own life of bright colors? Why do I need it?"

2. The best distraction is to get busy

To distract from the thoughts that bother you and stop feeling envy, ordinary daily activities will help, you just need to seriously focus on them. Try to get rid of the habit of constantly comparing yourself to someone, constantly thinking about the successes and merits of other people, because the foundation of any envy is a constant endless process of comparing yourself with others.

Switch your thoughts into a more positive direction - think exclusively about yourself, your own self-esteem and your uniqueness. In addition, thoughts about how best to become a master in your field are extremely positive. Wise people believe that the person who absolutely sincerely loves his job and devotes himself to it does not feel the pangs of envy.

3. Monitor your own achievements

Look at them in general terms. As soon as your bright head comes to the idea that someone has something extraordinary that you do not have, then immediately switch your thought processes to your own successes and achievements. You will definitely have something that the other person does not and never had.

Learn to enjoy the simplest things, and finally understand that everyone has certain strengths or weaknesses, including you personally and the subject of your negative feelings.

And to better understand yourself, just write down all your even small achievements on a piece of paper in the form of a large list. Remember absolutely everything, and you will surely see that, in fact, you have much more than you could even imagine. And if something doesn't quite suit you, then this is another reason to work on yourself.

4. Turn on your mind

If you can honestly admit to yourself that you are jealous of someone, you are a really smart person, and if you are trying to do at least something to get rid of this unproductive feeling, then you are not only smart, but also really wise. And, despite the fact that our life is a kind of a game of anticipation, not everyone will get the main prize.

That is why the well-known Olympic principle that it is not the victory itself that is important, but the participation, acquires an even deeper meaning here. In other words, live your own life the way you can, try to always be yourself, and let others live their own lives. As soon as you realize this, in your soul, universal peace will firmly settle, which cannot be bought even for the greatest money!

5. Find a source of inspiration

Are there people in your environment who sincerely rejoice at your achievements and even the smallest successes? Appreciate them and let them be your personal source of inspiration.

6. Learn to do small pleasures for others absolutely sincerely and from a pure heart.

If a particular person is the source of your envy, then do something kind and very pleasant to him. Give a gift, help with something, do just a good deed.

You will notice that after that the person became joyful and happy, and you, seeing his good mood, suddenly realize that you are directly related to his happiness, then envy in your soul will be replaced by a great feeling of joy.

7. Get rid of envy will help mental self-regulation

Sometimes attacks of envy are unexpected and very powerful. In this case, the method of mental self-regulation will definitely help you. You just need to find a quiet and relatively comfortable place where you can be alone with yourself, close your eyes and absolutely relax.

Try to restore in front of your eyes such a picture where you felt true comfort and tranquility: grandmother's house in the village, the seashore, rest in a forest glade, in the mountains, or another place dear to your heart. Enjoy these positive emotions and hold on to them for so long until you feel complete confidence that everything is wonderful and there will be a tremendous amount of similar sensations in your life.

How to be if they envy you

It's hard to live not only with your own envy, but also with someone else's, aimed specifically at you. In this case, you will definitely be helped by some basic methods of protection against envious people.

Keep all your successes and achievements to yourself and do not share them with people who have been noticed in the manifestation of such a feeling.
The negative feelings of envious people can be disarming to ask for help or simply for advice.
Try to complain about your "serious" problems to people like this. Let them know that you have more than just successes, that you are an ordinary person with a host of other manifestations of life.
If you are faced with outright envy, then avoid rude clarification of any relationship - this will significantly aggravate the current situation, but it will definitely not help the case. It is much more useful not to come into contact with such a person, but it is better to move away from him at a great distance.

Letting envy into your life and allowing it to unfold widely in your soul, as a result of this symbiosis, you get extremely destructive negative emotions that become a source of serious mistakes and problems.

And only you can free yourself from these unproductive emotions: you do not need to be an envious observer of the life of strangers, but, on the contrary, you need to learn to thank life for what you already have - family, friends, work, health and small joys in life ... Drive away jealousy from your life, and appreciate your own place on this Earth.