Do not lose yourself between work and life. How not to lose yourself in love. What should be done
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How to find yourself? Paradoxical as it may seem, in order to find yourself, it is often enough not to lose yourself. Often, instead of finding himself through a search, a person moves further away from himself and sometimes loses himself irrevocably. We could say that our soul is eternal, that life is perfect, but if this is really so ... why then so often the soul is restless, why do we often have to worry so much? It is worth paying attention to one key moment that can change your whole future life. You are ready? What desire actually pushes a person to start looking for himself? Think ... take your time ... feel it. Do you really want to find yourself or do you just want to get rid of the problems that make life difficult or even unbearable? Perhaps you are already beginning to understand what I am driving at? How not to lose yourself? I recommend following the following principle: if you want to solve problems, then say “I want to solve problems”, if you want to become calmer, then say “I ...
How to find yourself?
Paradoxical as it may seem, in order to find oneself, it happens it is enough not to lose yourself. Often, instead of finding himself through a search, a person moves further away from himself and sometimes loses himself irrevocably. We could say that our soul is eternal, that life is perfect, but if it really is ... why then so often the soul is restless, why do you often have to worry so much? key moment, which the maybe change your whole future life. You are ready? What desire actually pushes a person to start looking for himself? Think ... do not rush ... feel it. Do you really want to find yourself or do you just want to get rid of the problems that make life difficult or even unbearable? Perhaps you are already beginning to understand what I am driving at?How not to lose yourself?
I recommend following the following principle: if you want to solve problems - then say “I want to solve problems”, if you want to become calmer - then say “I want to become calmer”, and only if you want to find yourself (for example, because you are convinced that you have managed to lose yourself) - then say "I want to find myself."Frankly speaking.
I can't imagine - how can you lose yourself- after all, here I am. Perhaps this means our condition, which does not satisfy us. If this is so, then shouldn't you then say - "I am not satisfied with my state, I want to change it for the better, because my state is what directly shapes my life."What determines our condition -
here is the key question that we finally get to.Beliefs are a formidable and, perhaps, the main enemy of happiness. When a person has beliefs (more often beliefs "have" a person), he becomes their hostage. And as soon as something does not happen in his life as he expects, as soon as he does not have what, as he is convinced, he must have, an internal conflict immediately arises. There is no longer a state of happiness, no matter how ridiculous it may be, but it can come to a whole tragedy that can plunge a person into a deep depression.What to do?
If suddenly this happened to you, and you do not know how to get out of this state, then it's time to say stop to yourself. You can distract yourself, find something that will bring joy, something more important to yourself, against the background of which this experience will no longer be perceived so global. But is this a decision, no, is it an escape. The decision is when I have the courage to say to myself - "Come to your senses, your happiness does not depend on the fulfillment of" your "plans, it does not depend on how much you want to have." What do I do next? I cease to demand from life conformity to my ideas, try to bend it under me, everywhere and everywhere try to exercise my control. I may be asked, "but what then remains"? And there remains so little and so much at the same time. It is not enough to recognize life in the person of other people and phenomena as free, to give it the right to be “loved” on an equal footing with itself. A lot is to start interacting with "life" without suppression and diktat based on beliefs and demands. Here, in this choice, respect and co-creation begins; I remember that not only I am a free being, but we are also, what is around us is alive, just as divine as I am. At this moment, I say to myself - what I called freedom and my rights was nothing more than selfishness, which I justified with high goals and words, completely driven by fear, I did not know what I was doing. I was the executioner who created my own hell, my oblivion. And here i find myself, my name is Man.When hell was over.
And now that I have recognized my name, I want to understand what it means. And I start looking for an answer to the question posed. The great limit of knowledge of the inner world and the outer world. Own feelings and thoughts, own deeds. This is the wealth that I found in myself. And most importantly, I no longer look for myself, but cognize myself and the world around me, recognizing it as equal. The path of my life from stone-paved fear turns into a path of respect that will one day lead me to the path of wisdom that will leave a shining mark on eternity. The path of wisdom is the true path of the traveler, whose name is Man. This is the path of abundance, there are no losses, only gains. In truth, strength, in respect is life. (c) Man.Dating was replaced by an offer to meet. Then you started living together. And everything is fine. At the first stages, you feel that you are one whole, your desires and aspirations have merged into one, and nothing can break your union in half. Sound familiar?
However, such a merger becomes not the norm after, after a year or two, when the relationship moved to a new stage and you started a family (albeit without a stamp in the document). In psychology, such behavior is called confluence - when a person does not understand and does not feel either his own or someone else's boundaries. Such people are ready to give up their last shirt for the sake of another, rush to save and help, not sparing themselves. However, the "bill" that they will charge for their services afterwards will be too high. In principle, it will be impossible to cover it.
How does it happen in life? When they help, they don't accept any thanks in return. They do not need money or other material and intangible benefits, they even brush off compliments. But after a while you will be asked for some kind of service, as if on purpose, at the wrong time and out of place. Most often, this service will be an ultimatum: "now or never," "either me or them." On one side of the scale is a dear and beloved person who put forward the conditions. On the other - important for you: work, hobby (maybe your mother?).
Wing phrases that will help you understand that personal boundaries are violated in your pair:
“I did so much for him. I gave all my life "
"I have devoted my whole life to my family, children, and he is not even ready for me ..."
"I brought all the money home, and she even ..."
Normally, everyone should stay within their own boundaries and not violate others. Here are some simple guidelines to help you do this:
Give another the opportunity to do what he wants and live the way he wants
Acceptance of the hobbies and characteristics of the other
Perhaps this is the most sincere manifestation of love and the guarantee of a long and happy life. Aerobatics - to find advantages in the "disadvantages". In the meticulousness and tediousness of a spouse, for example, you can see a huge plus. Just imagine: all questions with documents, authorities and any negotiations can be placed under the control of the owner of a difficult character trait, and you can be sure that everything will be in perfect order. But when trying to change it, it seems to us, for the better, both lose.
Take care of yourself
Finally, leave alone his closet with scattered things, his dirty car and haircut, which you don't like so much. Do your manicure, go to fitness, buy lingerie, or read a new book. Remember your hobbies, desires, friends, finally. Nothing makes a man jump up and start looking after himself like his woman, who sets the bar high. Taking care of yourself, knowing about your desires and having a goal in life is the only way to stop being confluent and maintain long-term harmonious relationships. Start talking about your desires to yourself and others: “I want”, “I like”, “I think”, “I don't like”, etc.
How not to lose yourself in the hustle and bustle of modern life? How to stay in balance and not get depressed when life sets frantic rhythms? These questions are of concern to everyone. There are many ways to relax for a moment and take a break from everyday worries.
For example, travel helps me a lot. Even the shortest distances can work wonders, so I plan to spend my next vacation there. But it is very important to distract from everyday worries - to follow simple rules that will help in life, and more than once!
1. Never Forget Friends
A very simple and very complicated rule at the same time. When you spend all day at work, then with the last of your strength you go home to your favorite sofa, it is difficult to force yourself to devote time to someone else besides yourself. But, one way or another, communication with friends is a very delicate thing, since they have exactly the same worries and they just do not find the strength and time to communicate with you. It is possible that after a couple of years of such "stagnation" in communication, you will simply lose touch. True friendship must be cherished, because it is not so easy to find it again.
2. Learn to say “No”!
You are constantly under pressure from responsibilities. No wonder. Every person in life has a moment when you need to say “no” to work and, leaving everything, give up on vacation. Trust me, it’s much more productive to get down to business after a good rest.
3. Down with everything that pulls down!
It happens that you “pull on yourself” an unbearable load that constantly slows down your career growth, prevents you from developing and moving forward. If this load is some kind of person - a ballast, which brings only troubles, think about whether you need such a weighting agent in your life. It may be easier to get rid of him and proudly raising his head to go forward.
4. Never give up!
When it seems that everyone has forgotten about you, the work stands still, there is no mood and everything is black and white, do not rush to write yourself off. It's just a period in life that needs to be experienced. Take this philosophically. You can't give up even for a minute, because, only in this case, life will reward you with a rise both in your career and in personal relationships.
5. Do something for yourself!
You need to look good and achieve success not so much for someone else as for yourself. This is very nice and helpful. Others will not always be able to appreciate you, but doing something for yourself and being satisfied with your work is what you need. Moreover, you cannot please everyone, so you should not pay much attention to public opinion, and then everything will be fine!
Instructions
Be yourself. Do not try to try on different roles, because there is only one life, and there is no place for theatrical performance in it. Personalization happens with age, and it is normal for teenagers to measure images one by one. But an adult must know exactly his place in this life.
Don't fit in with people. Communication with friends, colleagues, romantic and family relationships - they all leave their mark, but you must not let them change you beyond recognition. For example, if someone thinks you’re pinched, you don’t have to dance back on the bar in a nightclub. Chances are, you're just shy and introverted, which isn't a bad character trait at all.
Do what you love. To find yourself, you need to find a vocation, and only in it it is possible not to lose your personality. If at work you simply carry out other people's orders, do everything "out of hand" and adjust to your colleagues and boss, you should think about changing your position or profession.
Prioritize, don't chase everything at once. Torn between work and family, you can forget about yourself and later feel confused. Decide what is important to you at the moment and focus on it.
Stay alone with yourself. A person who wants not to lose himself often tries to communicate more and not to close in himself. But this is not always the right approach. Loneliness also bears fruit, because a person has the opportunity to think about what is happening around him. At this time, he belongs only to himself, and this gives good results. Such work on yourself should take place daily, and it has nothing to do with caring for your appearance or cooking in an empty kitchen. Learn to just sometimes sit in silence, walk alone in parks, watch the city from a bench or from a window.
Educate yourself. Continuous improvement of the personality does not happen by itself, for this you will have to make some effort. You don't have to go to university or enroll in courses. There is always an opportunity to purchase books or find useful information on the Internet. This way you will feel solid ground under your feet and will not be afraid to take the wrong step to the side.
Culture
Sometimes we go through the worst things in life to become stronger, smarter, and more courageous.
None of people live life without losing a loved one, or something that, in their opinion, should have gone on forever.
However, as a result, it was thanks to these losses that we became stronger, because they opened up new opportunities for us for happiness, success and personal growth.
Here's what to remember when the world seems to be crumbling around.
1) You are not your past.
No matter how many things happened in your past, today you have a blank slate and a new path in front of you. You are not your past habits and mistakes. You are not someone else's relation to you. You are only today, here and now, your actions and actions today.
2) Focus on what you have, and do not regret what is not.
You are what you have today. What you really need now is to find a few, or at least one, positive thought that will inspire you and help you move forward.
Grab hold of her and focus on her. It may seem to you that you have nothing, and if you have something, then very little, but our mind is capable of great things, including inspiration.
And this, in turn, is exactly what you need now in order to continue your path with dignity.
3) Problems and difficulties are integral parts of personal growth.
Facing problems and finding ways to solve them is an essential part of our life and personal growth. A person can lose their job, get sick, and sometimes die in an accident.
When we're young and we're doing pretty well, we don't fully realize it.
However, the wisest, but also the most difficult decision we can make in such a situation is to use our reaction to what is happening in such a way as to harden our determination and will.
You may want to swear as much as you like, beat everything around, shout, etc., but you are above that, aren't you?
It is worth remembering that the lack of restraint of emotions often only worsens the situation. Despite the fact that tragedies do hurt us, it is still an opportunity for us to become stronger.
4) Sometimes let yourself get unstuck.
You should not always pretend to be strong or pretend that everything is great with you. What others will think of you at such a moment should not concern you at all.
If you want to cry now, then cry. Smiling is not always an indicator of happiness. Often a smile means that a person is strong enough to face their problems face to face.
5) Our life is sudden, very changeable and often shorter than we think.
It should be remembered that tomorrow may not come. For some, it definitely won't come. Now someone is making plans for tomorrow, not knowing that they will die today.
It's sad to realize, but that's how life is. Therefore, always spend your time today wisely, and do not forget to stop sometimes to remember how wonderful life is.
Every moment lived is a unique gift. Don't waste time with negative thoughts. Better think about what will help you move on.
6) Each of us makes mistakes.
The sooner you understand and accept this, the faster you will become better, which means you will make fewer mistakes. Of course, you are unlikely to ever become infallible, but if you do not even try, but sit with folded hands, then you will certainly not achieve anything.
It is definitely better to do something and be wrong than to do nothing at all. You will either learn a life lesson or you will succeed. That is, the winnings are on the face in any case.
7) You yourself can make yourself happy.
Time flies, people change and feelings too. You always have a choice. You can either endlessly revel in the past and remember your mistakes, or you can make attempts to make yourself happy.
A smile is your choice, not a miracle that has fallen from heaven. Don't wait for someone or something to make you happy. True happiness lies in the depths of your soul.
8) Try to emotionally detach yourself from your problems.
You are not your problem. You are a living being that is much more complex than all the problems put together. This means that you are stronger than them, you can both influence them and change your attitude towards them.
9) Do not inflate the elephant out of a fly.
Don't let one little dark cloud fill the whole sky. No matter how gloomy life may seem, the sun still shines, it is important to be able to see it. Sometimes you just need to forget about what you feel, remember what you deserve and go forward towards the goal.
10) Learn from everything that happens in life.
Literally everything, because everything that happens is life. Therefore, never refuse to learn something from her, especially in moments when everything does not go the way you want.
If you didn't get the job you were waiting for, or if the relationship is not going the way you want it, then something better is sure to come. And the lesson learned is the first step.
11) Any test and any difficulty is a chance to learn something new.
Each time ask yourself the question: "What can I learn for myself new from this situation?" Whatever happens to us, it is always an opportunity to learn something new. How to express your feelings, how to become strong, how to trust yourself, how to communicate with people correctly, how to learn new things, etc.
12) Everything is changeable, but the sun rises regularly every day.
There are two news. Bad - nothing lasts forever and good - nothing forever.
Life lessons
13) Folding your arms and walking forward are two big differences.
At a certain period of life, there comes a moment when you get tired of endless attempts to catch up with everyone, and to be in time for everything. However, this does not mean at all that you give up and give up.
This is just a new beginning. You are just beginning to understand that you do not need some people, as well as the intensity of the passions with which they fill your life.
14) Watch out for negative people.
Whenever you get rid of something negative, you make room in her for positive. Our life is too fleeting to be around people who feed on your energy and your happiness.
Try to get rid of such people as quickly as possible, because they are the first to destroy your self-esteem and self-confidence. Surround yourself with those who will help you show your best features.
15) There is no ideal relationship in a couple in nature.
Perfect personal relationships exist exclusively in romance novels. Do you want to improve your relationship, bring it closer to ideal? Learn to work around rough corners and rough edges.
16) Do not forget about self-love.
One of the most serious problems that can happen in your life is the likelihood of losing yourself by being consumed by love for another person.
You can simply forget that you are also worthy of love. When was the last time you heard from someone that he loves you completely, with all the advantages and disadvantages? What is important to him what you say, what do you think?
When was the last time someone told you that you do a very good job or just took you to a place where you feel good? When was that "someone" yourself?
Life wisdom
17) Don't let someone else make decisions for you.
Learn to live without thinking about what other people think of you. Free yourself from their emotions and prove to yourself that you are actually better than they think.
18) Anger at someone is, first of all, harm to yourself.
19) You are not alone, but problems happen to every person.
You don't sleep at night worrying about your friend. You are trying to collect pieces of the soul, which is smashed to smithereens after betrayal. You feel like the most worthless because someone doesn't love you enough to be with you.
You don't try new things for fear of failure. None of the above says that something is wrong with you, that you are going crazy.
This suggests that you are an ordinary person, and that you just need a little time to rest. You are not alone. No matter what situation you find yourself in, and no matter how miserable you feel at the same time, millions of people have already got into such alterations before you, and millions will fall after.
Therefore, you should not lie to yourself and regret, complaining that you are the only one so unhappy in the whole world.
20) You have something to say "thank you" to fate.
Undoubtedly, our world is full of problems and sorrows, but it is also full of people who deal with them. Rather, forget about what is gone from your life, and begin to appreciate more what is now and will be in the future.
Even when things are really bad for you, look at your life with different eyes. You don't go to bed hungry, you have something to wear, you don't sleep on the street.
You don't work 20 hours a day for a penny. You drink clean water, and if you get sick, you can go to the doctor. You are not shaking with fear. You have internet access.
So you can list it for a long time. A huge number of people would consider you rich, so appreciate what you have today.
21) Remember to regularly feed your inner hope.
No matter how hard it is for you: losses, illnesses, trampled dreams, fears, worries, be sure to put your hands to your heart at least once a day and say: "Hope lives here."
This is important to remember
22) A bitter truth is better than a sweet lie.
Always look at things with sober eyes. You must see them as they are, not as you want them to be. It is always better to try a bitter medicine than to supplement with a sweet poison.
23) It is often difficult to know how close you have come to success.
We always move forward in small steps, and only looking back can we see the line. Success is often much closer than we think, and it lies in wait for us when we least expect it.
24) Often we are most fortunate when we don't get what we want.
This is exactly what happens, because in such cases a person has a reassessment of priorities, paths to new opportunities are opened, and a vision of what is happening with a fresh, unrestrained look occurs.
25) Laughter is the best stress reliever.
Laugh often, especially at yourself. Try to find something funny in every situation. Laughter and the optimism that accompanies it draws joy and happiness into your life.
If you have fun and treat everything with a positive attitude, then you will not need to look for good people and pleasant things in life, because they will find you themselves.
It's important not to forget
26) Mistakes are only good for you.
Each of us makes mistakes. Each of us has allowed or allows others to take advantage of us or do things that we do not deserve.
But if you think about it, then in fact, our poor choice teaches us a lot. Of course, some things cannot be returned, and you can hardly wait for an apology from certain people, but the most important thing is to learn a lesson from the whole story and not repeat mistakes.
It is worth remembering that it is not the one who falls down that makes mistakes, but the one who does not want or cannot get up, even if he has such an opportunity.
Get up, move! Often, something good leaves our life, giving way to the best.
27) Worrying is a waste of energy.
If you are worried, then you will not get rid of the troubles of tomorrow. You will only get rid of your energy.
28) Even if it's incredibly difficult for you, try to make at least a minimal step forward.
It is always necessary to force yourself to move forward, especially in difficult times. In no case should you stop the movement. As long as you go forward, even at the speed of a snail, you will still sooner or later reach the finish line.
Be sure to rejoice at every step you take, no matter how big or small. A step forward is getting closer to where we want to be tomorrow.
Whether you strive for a better life or the dream of a lifetime, you will achieve it when you take many - many steps in its direction.
29) There will always be people who don't like you.
Everyone around it is impossible to like it. Whatever you do, no matter how hard you try, there will still be someone who will not like you no matter what.
You should not pay attention to him, but you should act as your heart tells you. What a stranger says and thinks about you is not so important, it is important what you think about yourself.
30) Without some people it will be easier for you in life, even if you think that you need them.
The truth of life is that some people will stay with you exactly as long as you have what they need. When the need for you disappears, remember your name.
The good news is that over time, these "transit passengers" will disappear from your life, leaving only friends you can rely on.
31) Your only rival is yourself.
When you find yourself comparing yourself to a colleague, friend, relative, or neighbor, stop right there. Understand that you have nothing in common.
You have your strengths and weaknesses, he has his own. Think about what your strength is, and be grateful that you have it.
32) Not everything that happens to you is within your control.
However, it is in your power to react to this the way you need to. The life of each of us is full of both positive and negative, and whether you are happy or not depends on how you react to what is happening.
That is, if you catch a cold, then be glad that it is temporary, that this disease does not threaten your life. Lost a game of soccer or basketball? But I had a wonderful time with my friends for a healthy occupation!
