Games

When a person offends. How to behave when you are insulted: advice from a psychologist. What to do if you offended a man

Fragment of the book Kovpak D.V. They weren't attacked! or How to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012

How long can you put up with rudeness? In transport, at work, at a party, at home, online, on the street - anywhere! How long can you play the role of a victim? Patiently enduring any inconvenience, any manifestation of rudeness. A well-known psychotherapist and a courageous person, Dmitry Kovpak decided that enough was enough! Read his gripping stories and professional advice on how to deal with rudeness and cynicism. Dr. Kovpak is ready to change the world around him without bending to it! And you?

Basic strategies for overcoming rudeness

Effective countermeasures

Obviously, there are three approaches in relations between people. The first is to consider only oneself and suppress others... The second is to yield to others always and in everything... The third approach is to keep one's interests in mind without neglecting the interests of others.

Only the dead cannot be touched for the living. Each of us has been in situations where we have been wounded or psychologically traumatized. Naturally, there is a desire to punish or teach the offender a lesson or to minimize damage to the reputation and assessments of others.

What exactly to do? Tolerate or respond? How will all this turn out? And a host of other questions are relentlessly spinning in my head. This is not the first time this has happened, and not only to you. How did people who have already faced a similar problem respond to this before?

Once Confucius was asked the question: “Is it right to return good for evil?” To which he replied: "Good must be repaid with good, and evil must be repaid with justice."

Undoubtedly, if you regularly allow yourself to be offended, this can become a habit for your offenders. The desire to make a remark or even break loose with a rude person comes before there is a reason for this.

If you help unbalanced people by regularly giving them a platform to express their irritation, this tactic will automatically work for them. They no longer have to wonder who is to blame for everything.

So, confusing patience and prudence with fear and laziness, you can turn into a local scapegoat.

A person in reality is not as peaceful as he declares it and even as he thinks of himself. Therefore, waiting for your offenders to see the light on their own, to admit mistakes and injustices being perpetrated, may turn out to be too time-consuming and expensive strategy. Help them realize that they ran into the wrong person.

But do not answer the content of the opponent's speech, but the very fact of his intervention in other than his own business.

Whether there are winners in the fight with rude people is a moot and even rhetorical question. However, if you have already decided on martial arts, then some skills, technologies and useful information will not interfere with you.

Entering into a verbal duel requires a number of qualities and skills:

efficiency of search and reproduction of information;
wit, irony;
resourcefulness, cunning, enterprise;
the ability to use logic and consistent reasoning;
mastery of rhetoric;
stress resistance and tolerance (tolerance);
noise immunity.

Quite often, people, defending their interests, behave rudely and unceremoniously, mixing the concepts of aggressive, passive-uncertain and confident behavior. The difference in these modes of behavior lies in the fact that, acting confidently, a person does not offend or suppress others, respecting the rights of people to the same extent as his own.

People who know how to properly stand up for themselves are much less prone to stressful conditions in difficult life situations and more often experience feelings of self-satisfaction and self-esteem.

People who act in an aggressive manner actually experience feelings of guilt, inferiority, or self-doubt, and their aggressive behavior is trying to mask these underlying feelings.

The key to confident behavior is to reinforce a new pattern of attitude and behavior in regular practice.

Remember, what you say to a rude person is far less important than how you say it.

In order to successfully put boors and aggressors in their place in any situation, first of all, one must clearly realize the right to the inviolability of one's personality and personal life.

The manifestation of rudeness is, first of all, evidence of a person’s lack of worthy arguments.

“Jupiter, you are angry, so you are wrong,” Prometheus once said to the angry Jupiter, who was ready to throw lightning at him, finding no other answer.

The most ineffective way to respond to a boor is to get emotionally turned on and scream all sorts of nonsense in response. Thus, you become the twin brother of this ill-mannered type and slide down to his level. And most importantly, your emotions will show that his arrows hit the target and stung you.

But sometimes it helps to relieve tension. The cost of such a drop varies depending on the situation and the environment present at that moment, as well as the long-term consequences. Sometimes it is unreasonably high.

Receiving a splash of negative emotions into the water helps much better. Especially when the situation is already in the past, but you still want to “wave your fists”.

Open the faucet and just scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. At the same time, wash yourself with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You are smarter!

Imagine this situation: you were very angry with your boss, who harshly and rudely scolded you for a situation that you actually had nothing to do with. After he leaves, you slam your fist on the table, break two pencils, a pen and turn a whole stack of papers into a shapeless mass. Will these actions reduce your anger? And will they save you from the tendency to become angry with the leader in similar situations in the future?

According to the well-known theory of catharsis (purification), the answer in both cases will be yes. When an angry person blows off steam through energetic but harmless actions, the following happens: first, the level of tension or arousal is reduced, and second, the tendency to resort to open aggression against provoking (or other) persons is reduced.

These assumptions go back to the works of Aristotle, who believed that the contemplation of the production, forcing the audience to empathize with what is happening, can indirectly contribute to the "purification" of feelings. Despite the fact that Aristotle himself did not specifically propose this method for discharging aggressiveness, a logical continuation of his theory was proposed by many others, in particular Z. Freud, who believed that the intensity of aggressive behavior can be weakened either through the expression of emotions related to aggression, or by observing the aggressive actions of others.

While acknowledging the reality of such "cleansing", Freud was subsequently quite pessimistic about its effectiveness in preventing open aggression. He seems to have thought that his influence was ineffectual and short-lived. Indeed, watching movies or television programs with scenes of violence does not lead to a decrease in the level of aggression - on the contrary, such an experience is more likely to increase the intensity of aggressive manifestations in the future.

The level of aggression does not decrease if a person takes out his anger on inanimate objects.

Remember how we like to retell the myths about the basements of Japanese corporations, where supposedly employees thresh stuffed heads of their bosses and then calmly and contentedly go to the workplace. If people are given the opportunity to bludgeon inflatable toys, throw darts at images of hated enemies, or smash things to smithereens, it is not at all necessary that their desire to commit aggressive acts towards annoying individuals will decrease.

The level of aggression does not decrease after a series of verbal attacks either - on the contrary, the data obtained indicate that such actions actually increase the aggression of the opponent.

The English writer John Ruskin said, "A gentle answer removes malice."

This is also a technique. Only it requires sufficient hardening and exposure. In order to have enough patience for evil insults, respond politely and not lose your temper, not only externally, but also internally. This will require developing a lot of self-discipline.

In extreme cases, you can say a calmly neutral descriptive phrase, for example: “How rudely you just said. I do not like communication in this form / this tone. Sometimes this stops the offender or knocks him down for a while. In any case, you will get a pause and be able to leave the place of the verbal fight with your head held high.

So you eliminate the reason for subsequent returns to the situation in memories, which happens when an unrequited insult is swallowed, with the scrolling of "victorious scenarios" in fantasy - a virtual "waving of fists" after a verbal fight.

The main thing is to maintain inner self-confidence.

Gandhi's mentally said phrase to himself would be appropriate: "They are not able to take away our self-respect if we ourselves do not give it to them." And the conclusions drawn from everyday experience that we often feel better (that is, less agitated or tense) in response to people who piss us off are really justified, as some very serious researchers of aggression claim.

If you have time, let the interlocutor finish speaking without obvious aggression, listen to him carefully, correctly and analytically.

To listen carefully means to perceive the words that are spoken, not to be too distracted by passing thoughts. That's right - to give feedback signals showing that you understand the interlocutor (for example, with a nod). Analytically - to capture the essence of the statement, while simultaneously perceiving information encrypted between words. Listening is a real art.

But there are situations when the interlocutor responds sharply negatively about you or lies. In such a delicate situation, this rule should be abandoned. Quietly interrupt the conversation at the moment when you notice that a lie was told: just politely and correctly correct the interlocutor. But please be brief.

For example, during round-table discussions or speaking on the podium, one must react immediately - if not with words, then with a negative shake of the head or gestures.

You can react to a negative statement later if it happened during the dialogue, but if a third person or audience is present, they will wait for your reaction. And the lack of reaction means consent!

Do not be afraid to break the rules and stereotypes if necessary. A smart person chooses tactics depending on the situation.

Question technique is the queen of dialectics. "Who asks, he manages!" - this is how one of the leading rules of the art of conversation is formulated in the form of a slogan.

Questions are often tools of pressure in order to demand information, deepen a topic of conversation, motivate interlocutors, or move a conversation from a material or technical plane to an emotional one. They also serve to demand an explanation, to insist on justice, to cheer up the participants in the conversation or inspire them with something, to demand facts or to specify the statements of the interlocutor.

Therefore, remember the tactics of asking questions. With them you can stop the aggressor and boor. Don't be afraid to answer a question with a question. It is also a powerful tool.

The client asks:

And why do all realtors answer a question with a question? Realtor's response:
What do you think?

If someone tells you what to do, makes incorrect remarks, tries to test your knowledge in any area, or gives you grades that you did not ask for, you can fight back in one of the following ways described by V. Petrova.

The initial, most gentle and polite method of self-defense can be described as a "psychological barrier." With our polite and specific remarks, we can delimit our personal space, making it clear to the interlocutor that he is encroaching on someone else's territory. As a rule, already after the first stage of self-defense, most of the aggressors retreat.

Most often, this method is used when strangers or unfamiliar people express their thoughts, comments, or give us advice that we did not ask for.

Here are examples of such responses:

Thanks for your attention, you don't have to worry about it.
Please don't worry about our business, we can handle it ourselves.
Please don't pay too much attention...
Please don't bother yourself...
I'm sorry, but is this your business? Don't say "None of your business" - that sounds more rude, and avoid saying "It's my business" because it draws attention to you (puts the spotlight on you) rather than your opponent's behavior.
A variant is possible - to remind the attacker that only the court or the Lord God has the right to judge, and the aggressor has no right to give other people assessments. The power of these words lies in the fact that each person implicitly understands that he himself is not perfect and does not have the moral right to tell others. Any critic and boor can be ridiculed for assigning them the role of a judge: “Who are the judges?”
“On what basis are you asking me these questions?”, “On what basis are you examining me?” - such answers are formalized, but it helps to maintain one's own confidence by association with the power of the bureaucracy and confuse the unbridled boors, who often operate with vernacular. The aggressiveness of this response is significantly muted, and it can be used even in conversations with superiors in case of strong pressure.
“Let God decide. Or do you want to assume its functions? Whether you're talking to an atheist or a religious fanatic, it will still work. Forwarding "to God" is an effective technique, since everyone understands that by giving an assessment to another person, he clearly exceeds his authority.

It is necessary to distinguish between rudeness and objective criticism.

Everyone makes mistakes, and so do you. If you were criticized on the case (for example, in your point of view you did not take into account some fact, did not notice something, made some mistake or oversight) - thank the critic, for example, with the words: “Yes, indeed, I did not take into account / took into account this fact. Thank you, I will keep it in mind”, “Thank you, I just didn’t notice this”, “I’ll think about it, thanks for the comment / information”.

A number of techniques for rebuffing rude people are based on the principle of transferring attention from your personality to the personality of the attacker.

An example is the phrase of one of the characters in the film “Kin-dza-dza”: “Did someone tell you that you are smart, or did you decide that yourself?”

Another option for switching attention to the personality of a rude person is a description of his actions. Any action of the interlocutor can be presented in the form of a picture, only written not with paints, but with your words.

A person who behaves unworthily, as a rule, does not realize that the ugliness of his behavior and the motives that make him act in this way are perfectly visible to others, or simply displaces understanding of this. Strange as it may seem, it seems to the aggressor that people perceive only his words, but they do not see him (do not evaluate him). Therefore, in order to confuse the enemy, one should describe his behavior in the form of a visual picture, for example: “Do you yourself hear what you are saying?” or “Do you understand how you look now?”

People who like to speak for others, in particular, to broadcast from the position of "highest values", "norms of morality and morality", can also be put in their place.

You should ask the person who, for example, accused you, who specifically was harmed by your actions. If not to him personally, then you are not obliged to talk to him and even more so to report to him. Answer: “We will talk about this with the person whose interests were affected, but not with you.”

If the aggressor claims that you are causing damage to many at once, say: “If you wish, you have the right to apply to the appropriate authorities” (for example, to your superiors, to the house management, to the police, to the court, etc.). But in no case do not get involved in a dispute that you do not need. Do not make excuses, do not report to a person who is not an official, whose duties really include a legal assessment of your actions.

Talking to people who insist that you are harming some third party is not worth it, even if you have irrefutable evidence of your own innocence. Save this evidence in case authorized persons intervene in the case, to whom you really have to report.

The very fact that you have begun to justify yourself to a stranger indicates that you have reduced self-confidence, it is easy for you to feel guilty and you “owe” others too much.

No matter how self-confident and arrogant the boor may seem to you, remember that there are people in the world with whom he is afraid to talk like with you.

Also, a rude person would not dare to behave in such a way if the situation was seen by people whom he fears or whose opinion he values. You can appeal to them: “Why don’t you repeat the same thing to such and such (say the name of this person’s boss, a relative whom he respects or fears, etc.)?”, “You don’t talk like that at work! »

Another option is to refer to virtual witnesses: “What do you think a well-mannered person would do in your place?” (you can give the name of a specific person whom the aggressor respects), “Why do you think other people don’t do this?”

If a person who is on duty behaves unworthily, you can comment on his behavior with the wish that his words be heard by a person who is honored by representatives of this profession.

Once a teacher called a student a swear word. He was not at a loss and said: "May Makarenko and Sukhomlinsky hear you."

Very effective is the so-called method of Milton Erickson (a famous hypnopsychotherapist), who used metaphors and stories that contained a hint or example of the behavior of the person to whom the story was intended.

Metaphor is a kind of indirect suggestion. This word consists of two Greek roots: meta - "through" and fore - "transfer". That is, a metaphor is a means of transfer. What does the metaphor convey? It carries meanings, bypassing conscious controls and barriers.

For example, here is a story about how not everything is as rude as it seems at first glance.

Once a wanderer stopped a walking old man to find out how far it was to the city.

Go on, he replied in a monosyllable. The bewildered wanderer continued on his way, reflecting on the rudeness of the locals. But he had not gone even fifty steps, when he heard:

Wait! The old man stood on the road and shouted to the traveler:

You still have an hour to go to the city.

Why didn't you answer right away? exclaimed the stranger.

I should have seen what step you are walking, - the old man explained.

Or a story about jumping to conclusions.

The knight walked through the desert. His journey was long. On the way he lost his horse, helmet and armor. Only the sword remained. The knight was hungry and thirsty. Suddenly he saw a lake in the distance. The knight gathered all the remaining strength and went to the water. But by the very lake sat a three-headed dragon.

The knight drew his sword and with the last of his strength began to fight the monster. Day fought, the second fought. Cut off two dragon heads. On the third day, the dragon fell exhausted. An exhausted knight fell nearby, no longer able to stand on his feet and hold his sword.

And then, with the last of his strength, the dragon asked:

Knight, what do you want?
Drink water.
Well, I'd drink...

And finally, remember the enchanting film "Formula of Love" and the doctor's calm rebuke to the rogue Cagliostro using illustrative examples from life:

Yes, yes, agreed Cagliostro. - So many tales have been invented about me that I get tired of refuting them. Meanwhile, my biography is simple and usual for people who bear the title of master ... Let's start from childhood. I was born in Mesopotamia, not far from the confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates, two thousand one hundred and twenty-five years ago ... - Cagliostro looked around the audience, as if giving them the opportunity to realize what he had heard. - You are probably amazed at such an ancient date of my birth?

No, it's not amazing, - the doctor said calmly. - We had a clerk in the county, in patchports, where the year of birth, only indicated one number. Ink, rogue, vish, saved. Then the matter cleared up, he was sent to prison, but they did not begin to remake the patchport. Document anyway.

There are a lot of people in the world who are different from each other. The differences lie in their character, manner of walking, talking, eating, dressing, in the rules of culture, development as a person. All these moments have a very strong influence on a person. It often happens that there are people who have no idea about the culture and rules of communication.

Insults

Most people can often be rude, present the other in a bad light. Such situations can occur with people of different ages, from early childhood to quite mature years. Not all people can insult and be rude. There are those who simply do not know how to act in such situations. What to do if you are offended? This question worries everyone who has been insulted at least once in their life. He makes you think about your actions and actions in relation to other people.

Why are people rude? What are the reasons for their behavior?

In order to understand how to act in such situations, it is important to understand the reasons for the occurrence of such behavior of another person. After all, knowing the reason, you can not take the words of a person seriously. An insult can be immediately answered beautifully and without the development of further conflict. People can be rude and humiliate another person for the following reasons:

A person is unhappy and cannot fully enjoy himself. In this situation, he may insult others for the reason that he considers himself unhappy. That is, he has nothing to rejoice in life. At the same time, shouting at another helps him feel happy.
There is no reason to be offended. There are people who simply feed on negative energy, and their screams are a common condition that does not allow you to live in a normal way. He wastes his nerves, his emotions, because he has pain inside.
By downgrading another person, many people raise their ego. As you know, the ego is a state of mind that helps a person to feel a personality in himself. But this feeling should know the measure. Because otherwise it will simply rise above another person, catching him for petty misconduct. It is important to remember here that everyone has their own shortcomings.

What should you do if you are offended?

What to do if you are offended? In such a situation, it is important to behave as required by behavior and communication norms. It is not always necessary to stoop to the same level and offend him with your words and actions. After all, a weak and insecure person offends. There are a lot of such people in life, it is impossible to get rid of them. Therefore, do not take it seriously and do not pay attention to it.

But what if you have been greatly offended? What to do in such a situation? There are a large number of cases when you can get nasty. A conflict situation may occur, and insults will emerge during it. This is perhaps the most common occurrence in life, and it can happen to just about anyone.

If you are an offender...

It happens that a person did not want to do this. But, alas, it happened in a fit of strong emotions. Then it becomes interesting for many to know how to behave if they offended a person? What to do in such a situation? It's easier here. After all, it’s enough just to stop talking nonsense and just ask for an apology, explaining your impulse that these are just emotions.

School. What to do if peers bully your child in an educational institution?

Insult is always unpleasant words. They may be directed at another person. What to do if you are offended? You can act in such a situation in different ways. Depending on the person who is rude, and on the moment at which the incident occurred.

There are different areas of human life, which will also distinguish cases of conflicts and insults. For example, school. This is a place where children of all ages come to learn. They spend a lot of time in it, gaining knowledge on subjects, and sometimes life experience.

If at school, what should parents and children do? First of all, it is important to remember that if a child is offended, then only parents should monitor and intercede for the child. Each person understands the word "offend" differently. Its essence is also conveyed to children in various ways.

Boys are prone to frequent insults, who at the time of the game can say offensive words, commit some act. Your child does not need to be taught that it is necessary to repeat the same movement and pronounce the same words. After all, it often happens with children that after half an hour they are already playing again. And when adults teach people to respond to bad actions with bad deeds, then these scandals will only grow.

So what do you do if your child is bullied at school? Now let's figure it out. It is important for parents to solve the problems of children from their earliest age, or rather, to help them cope in difficult situations. Children come from different families, with different abilities and behavior. Therefore, it is worth focusing on their education. If a child often begins to hear bad words addressed to him, then he will simply become isolated over time and stop developing as a person, because he will have fear. Unfortunately, this can happen once and for all. Therefore, from a very early age, it is important to teach the child to the possibility of aggression from other people, words of insult.

Parents should clearly separate the words and actions of classmates. If these are just verbal insults, then it is important for the child to be taught how to respond and respond to them correctly. But it also happens that things take a different turn, namely, a child can be hit. In this case, parents are simply obliged to intercede for him.

What to do if your spouse offended you?

Unfortunately, abuse can happen even within the walls of one's own home. This is the feeling that can be caused in the process of a quarrel, a scandal. Most often, such aggressive acts can be between a husband and wife. Spouses often swear and allow themselves to utter bad words.

If the husband offends, what to do in this case? Of course, it is important to understand that if insults come to you, then each person in the pair is to blame. Rarely, a spouse can utter words of humiliation to a soulmate just like that. Most often, this is an incident that provokes the manifestation of such emotions. Adults should calm down, find a compromise in resolving a conflict dispute. There are some varieties of cases when a husband offends seriously, and ordinary conversations in this case are not enough. Here it is worth looking for the cause of the occurrence of this and rather solve the problem.

What to do if you offended a man?

It also happens that a man. What to do in such a situation? It's a little easier here. The reason is that a woman can offend and immediately be able to easily and simply make amends. After all, she is full of charm and attractiveness, which she can use. really simple, especially when you know the weak points and just cling to them. In the modern world, men are no longer those knights on horseback who can stand up for themselves and for the interests of their woman.

Now you know what to do if you are offended. And here it is important to make key points. First of all, you should be smarter than the one who offends. And this means that sometimes you need to remain silent and ignore a person. Of course, one should not always give up and be silent. Because there are situations that do not allow repetition. Then it is worth responding nicely and clearly to the insult.

You need to remember that it is the one who offends who is the loser. Such people should be pitied. After all, they are unhappy in life, they do not have their own happiness and deeds that would simply distract from negative thoughts. You can respond to an insult with the same actions and words. The person will realize that they are wrong and may apologize for their actions. At the moment of insult, it is necessary to turn off emotions. Indeed, sometimes they will simply spoil the whole picture and lead only to a negative result. It is important to perceive yourself as a person, behave like a person and understand that there are the same people around who want to live, enjoy every day, raise children and be happy. But they have their own character and behavior. Therefore, it is important to treat them the same way as they are.

A small conclusion

One has only to imagine for a moment what will happen if every person responds in this way to an insult and tough behavior - this is the end of peace and goodness on earth. Every psychologist claims that it is necessary to change yourself initially. Once the habits of insulting a person are gone, everything will fall into place. Then children will not hear this, and then repeat after adults.

How to properly respond to insults? There is no one in the world who has never been offended.

However, some look optimistic and satisfied with life, while others react painfully to other people's attacks and clog "in a mink".

Let's think about how to properly respond to insults and remain unconvinced?

Big bosses, school teachers, kindergarten teachers, employees of registry offices and housing departments, even ordinary janitors - all the time they strive to offend the innocent.

It is important to distinguish criticism (albeit in a rude form) from insults. A criticizing person will definitely name the facts, his claims are due to specific things and actions.

But the offender often becomes personal, descends to swearing, calling names, but this has nothing to do with your mistakes.

What to do if your boss insults you

In my life there were two opposite working collectives. Pleasant people gathered at the planning meetings of the first one, discussed successes, calmly expressed criticism, and supported those who did not succeed.

After the speech of the talented and calm leader, everyone was full of enthusiasm and set to work with redoubled energy.

At meetings of the second job, the boss constantly shouted, he considered everyone mediocrity and fools.

He could humiliate a young girl for an immodest outfit, a chubby secretary for being overweight, and torture a colleague for half an hour for a crumpled tie.

Exhausted and tired, everyone took up work with reluctance, once a month someone was sure to quit “on their own”.

The easiest way to say “run from this job”, because nothing will change the boss. But not everyone can change lucrative positions like gloves.

However, if you correctly respond to insults, you will soon be able to earn his respect and stay in the team for a long time.

What is needed for that? calm tone, increased self-esteem, smile, self-esteem and understanding of the causes of other people's behavior.

The shorter your answers will be,all the better.

Do not get angry in response, put on a friendly face and forgive the offender in advance. After all, he is weak and primitive, and you are stronger, higher than him.

1. Get away from the situation. Work is not life, it's just work. You get money - not for nerves and complaisance, but for your skills, period.

But no one pays for your peace of mind, so take care of it. Limit contacts with unpleasant people. And after work, friends, children, wife, pets, a delicious dinner, your favorite series are waiting for you.

2. Turn on "ignore". Keep quiet and go about your business until the boss returns to a calm tone.

3. If the offender is inflamed in earnest, you can, hiding malice, thank him for his kind remarks.

He tells you: “Yes, you are probably crazy!”, You boomerang to him: “Oh, you noticed it very well.”

He: “Yes, I have never seen you more stupid,” and you: “Thank you, I appreciate all your comments. I will definitely work on myself." Smile sincerely, well, almost.

4. Consider the scale of the disaster. Is it so scary that a colleague in the heat of a dispute called you an ugly name? There is a war somewhere in the world, someone is always starving, stars explode, new planets are formed ...

On the scale of the universe, the words of some bungler are empty, zero. Should I respond to insults and worry?

5.The method of "aquarium fish" helped many of my colleagues. It is enough to imagine that the boss is talking and talking, and only bubbles come out of his mouth and only gurgling is heard.

Separate yourself mentally from it with aquarium glass and enjoy the view.

6. When they shout at you for no reason (in other words, when it is not necessary to delve into the meaning of words), strain your imagination and Imagine boss, say, giant hamster. Or a harmful monkey that escaped from the enclosure and steals bags from passers-by.

7. Draw air into your lungs and in one breath, exhaling evenly, say: "I would like you to be more polite to me."

Or " Let's get to the point: what specific claims do you have against me? It puts some people in their place, like an ice cold shower.

One of my university teachers managed to overwhelm the smartest students: instead of talking on tickets, she poured personal insults in a low, sarcastic voice. Yes, yes, there are such luminaries of science.

But my not the most gifted (but calm as a tank) classmate managed to pass everything on the first try. During the exam, he also quietly told her, “You are being unprofessional. Let's get back to the subject, shall we?"

8. It is very important to remind presumptuous bosses that slavery and serf labor have long been abolished.

If you are insulted, and you hear cries of “I demand”, “I order” and the like, try changing the tone of the conversation with a calm phrase: “So what kind of request?”, focusing on the last word.

9. The most important thing – don't show resentment, do not succumb to provocation.

Do not break into response reproaches and shouting, do not move your eyebrows angrily, and in general, do not give the offender a reason to see that you are hurt. And only then will you win.

If the scream is compressed into a lump in your throat, go to the toilet, turn on the taps and scream. And then wash your face, smile in the mirror, take a deep breath - and back again.

10. A few more magical phrases that put a person in his place:“Why are you trying to offend me?”, “Are you having an unpleasant day today? I understand, it happens”, “You seemed to me a different, more pleasant person”, “I didn’t expect this from you”, “Excuse me, are you finished? I would like to work."

11. Control your thoughts. Do not remember offensive words at night, do not invent theoretical answers, do not wish for revenge.

All this exhausts you, spoils your mood, but does not affect the offender in any way.

The most “vindictive” thing you can do is to live peacefully and enjoy the new day in spite of everything.

First classmates cling to them, then colleagues. What to do if you are called names? No need to panic or ignore the offender. You need to be able to take care of yourself. How to do it? Read all the details below.

understand the reason

If a person clings to you or starts insulting you, you need to enter into the position of this individual. Before deciding what to do if you are being called names, try to find out why the offender is doing it. The most common reasons:

The feeling is painful to realize that he is wrong, and when he runs out of arguments, he breaks down to scream. In a fit of outburst of emotions, you can say various nasty things.
Inflated ego. A person with high self-esteem likes to bully others. Such individuals do not offend those who can answer them. They choose weak personalities who can be pressured by authority or intimidated by force.
Desire to vent anger. All people need emotional release. Someone splashes out emotions while playing sports, someone is engaged in creativity, and someone offends others. What do you do if you are called stupid? Think about whether the person really thinks so, or whether they had a hard day and decided to choose you as an object for emotional release.

There is no point in being offended by the obvious

Are you often called names? Think about what offensive words sound with enviable frequency. Perhaps they tell you that you are short, tall, or bespectacled. Is it really true? What to do if you are called names in a similar style? Don't be offended by the truth. Yes, you may be superior to the rest, but this is your advantage over them, not a disadvantage. If you are short, then consider this feature of your appearance as your unique feature. Do you wear glasses? There is nothing shameful here. A person should not be upset by the truth. Make peace with your appearance and try to love it. You cannot do anything about your physical handicaps. You have to learn to accept them. Each person is unique, and red hair, freckles, big lips or nose should not interfere with your life at all. Take them for granted - and then the insults will stop hurting you.

Control your emotions

Often a person is provoked by peers for the reason that he does not know how to respond to criticism or insults. What to do if you are called names? You need to answer, but the reaction should not be explosive. Some people like to be called names for the reason that they shrink and begin to tremble at any side glance or run away from the room. And some individuals try to deal with insults in a different way. They begin to scream wildly and insult the offender in response. Others may be amused by your form of responding to name-calling, and they will be similarly amused at your expense. Don't respond to insults. Know how to control yourself. Do not let others replace excitement or some kind of mental change during a conversation in raised tones. If you stop reacting violently to name-calling, the offender will be bored, and he will soon leave you behind.

Use a sense of humor

What can defuse the situation and cheer everyone up? That's right, humor. You must develop the ability to quickly find the right words, preferably sarcastic. An answer in this spirit will amuse not only you and your offender, but also everyone who watched the skirmish. As a result, the winner is always the one who knows how to stand up for himself better, and not the one who utters offensive words. If you understand that the person insulted you not by accident, but intentionally, humor will be doubly appropriate. You can bring down the arrogance of the interlocutor.

Answer examples

How to respond to an insult with humor and sarcasm? Use template answers. For example: "Say, I always yawn when I'm interested." The phrase is quite original. Such an expression must be accompanied by a feigned yawn. Your composure and ability to save face will amaze the offender, and he will no longer pester you.

Another answer: “Are you getting into my life because yours didn’t work out?” Such a response to offensive words will completely whitewash you. There is no slop here. But still, you need to understand who should say such a phrase, and who should not.

And another option for responding to an insult could be: “Thank you for your interest in me.” By speaking in this way, you do not provoke further conversation in any way, so you can safely leave the offender with your head held high.

Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself

Teenagers take abuse very hard. What to do if you are called names at school? A teenager must understand that it is not always his fault that he has become the object of ridicule. Therefore, one of the good ways is to laugh at yourself. This works well if they call you names not on a regular basis, but from time to time when you find yourself in the same awkward situation. For example, you can say a word incorrectly or eat a chocolate bar in such a way that after eating you will not look too clean. Learn to laugh at your missteps along with everyone. But still, you should not step on the same rake all the time. Having run into unpleasant name-calling twice, try to correct your mistake so as not to listen to offensive words all the time.

Don't make yourself a victim

Who is made to laugh at? Over persons who do not know how to restrain their emotions, and over people suffering from low self-esteem. What to do if a boy calls you names? Do not let others mock and insult you. Strong personalities that no one will touch. So get rid of the false shyness that your mother or grandmother imposed on you. Modesty and courtesy must be dosed. In modern life, these qualities only complicate life, and do not make it better.

If you do not have physical strength, try to crush the offender with your intellect. In this case, you need to read more in order to not only appear to be a smart person, but actually be one.

Learn to accept yourself the way you are. You should not take unreasonable criticism and gross insults to heart.

Don't be afraid to ask a question

What to do if your friends call you names? Try to put pressure on pity. Of course, this is the last way that you should resort to, but still it can be effective in relation to people who love and respect you. When you ask him why he did it? A man's conscience should wake up, and he will apologize for his trick. Even if a sense of pride did not allow your friend to immediately apologize, he will simply understand that it is difficult for you to tolerate jokes addressed to him, and he will change the style of communication with you. On the other hand, it would be useful to think about whether such friends are needed ...

What to do if your parents call you names? Check out the same trick. Ask your mom if she really thinks what she says. Not many people know how to control their emotions and for this reason they can offend a loved one in the heat of anger. Cooling the ardor of parents, the child is more likely to be heard than if he insulted adults in response.

What not to do

Man is a complex individual. Not every person is able to argue his particular act. Something is done unconsciously and subconsciously. But not always the result of such actions will be positive. Sometimes a person may be dissatisfied with their behavior. Tips on how to respond to insults were given above, and now we will analyze what not to do.

Apply force. Fighting has never led to anything good. A cultured person should be able to defend himself with words, not fists. It is foolish to waste your energy on beating up your classmates or friends. And if such a way of behavior in children can still be called acceptable, then for an adult such behavior is an indicator of low development and inadequacy.
Seek support from elders. Children and adolescents must learn to find a way out of difficult life situations on their own. There is no point in hiding behind your mother's skirt. Classmates and friends will not be able to respect someone who does not try to solve the problem on their own, but runs to complain to an adult about being treated unfairly.
Cry. You don't have to show your weakness in public. Tears are a manifestation of emotional release, but still learn to hold them back until you are alone. If you cry every time you are insulted, then offensive words addressed to you will constantly fly.
Scream. You can't respond to a shout with a shout. Know how to restrain your emotions and keep your cool. Do not show the offender rage, because most often a person wants to achieve this. Your calmness can infuriate the offender, and as a result, he will lose his temper, not you. Remember, victory always goes to the one who managed to save face in battle.